


Awk•ward

by ephylia



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Jealousy, Light crack, M/M, Opposites Attract, Side-pairs lowkey, baby steps, secret pining, slight-angst but not too extreme i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-06-05 01:34:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15159515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephylia/pseuds/ephylia
Summary: One is too scared to get near the other out of fear of rejection, while the other has already given up the thought of ever being close to the person he claims is too perfect for him.A complete mismatch; they think.





	1. Chapter 1

If there's one word in the dictionary that may describe Lin Yanjun and Zhu Zhengting's interaction, it would be a hardcore slap of "awkwardness".

There's literally no memory of recollection indicating that the two of them had been alone in one room together; always gathering, coincidentally or in obligatory with their shared group of friends—never on purpose, never, because it's needless and they don't know each other well enough to even start a proper conversation. You know, beside the _hi_ , hello, _excuse me_ , i was going this way, _yeah...me the other way_ , bye, _goodbye_. Awful, and embarrassing, considering Zhengting thinks of himself as a pretty sociable person. But not with this man. Not with a Lin Yanjun.

The man is too guarded, stoic, although he's a lot more than what he appears to be at a single glance. He had seen Yanjun oddly playful in front of the cameras, which unnerved him, and had even seen the brotherly-care the latter had shown to his fellow member Xinchun when they happened to team up for a performance, quite the boyfriend material...BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM HIM. Henceforth, everything he knows about Yanjun is born from varied assumptions, biased opinions and overheard conversations. Yanjun is difficult—probably even more complicated than any combined mathematical numbers and equations put together as a problem that Zhengting (admittedly) will never be able to solve in his entire life. Amidst his known persuasive and persistent personality, getting close with this one is very very much _impossible_ , so he chooses to simply not try.

 

 

 

Nine Percent are moving in and unpacking their things when Zhengting remembers that he forgot his phone on the couch from the living room.

"Need something?" Yanjun eyes him like a hawk; suddenly aware that another presence had entered his comfortable space.

"Nothing," the main dancer says before marching over to where Yanjun was sitting down (an opened bag of chip in their hand), wary to not trip over his own foot and humiliate himself, snatches the lonely cell-phone device before rushing up the staircase. He **runs.** Embarrassingly so, he runs to his room as fast as he had appeared in front of Mr.Stoic, and locks the door behind him as if he had something ugly to hide. Which, he does not because he's beautiful, and any tint of ugliness is absent in the shape of beauty.

 _Seriously_.

Any sane person would have just told Yanjun to pass their phone over instead of making a dramatic run for it all because said person can't form a reply of more than one word readily at the tip of their tongue. But, look, whoever said Zhu Zhengting is sane?

'Hey, Yanjun! Do you mind passing me my phone right beside you? Oh, thanks man! You're so nice'—bitch, he'd rather be squished by Chengcheng and Justin's overall weight than go on his way to be _sociable_.

HE CAN'T! He can't do it. He's a chicken. Don't force him! Besides, what are the chances his efforts would be reciprocated anyway? From what he can see, Yanjun doesn't seem to want to get to know him either. So it's fine having two completely **awkward** , never-will-you-see-alone-together, members in one team for the next eighteen months of living in the same house, and possibly breathing the same air for having the same profession from being in TOP 9 of the same survival show, and overall, sharing the same space. Oh, joy. He's fucked. They both are.

 

 

 

Lin Yanjun knows that he's a hard person to approach—what with his almost permanent furrowed brows, cold stare and rare smiles (overlooked by his teasing smirks instead)—but he likes to believe that the impression only lasts a minute. Once someone knocks over his barriers, his facades falls down along with them, and in, comes his (self-proclaimed) humorous and randomly cheerful self that tares through all the bad rumours lingering around regarding his character. He's funny, maybe not all-so friendly in the beginning because you two aren't at that level of intimacy yet, but open, very open for just about any theme of conversation, which goes to show that he's willing to attentively listen to the other person—ultimately needed for a potentially long-lasting friendship.

So why is it—

Why is it—

That this man, this one year younger man (he found their age through Weibo)—

This Zhu Zhengting—is too difficult to approach...to welcome...to know.

A man of such grace and elegancy, now hey, don't goad him for viewing Zhengting like this because anyone with two eyes can see how these two words define said man. His long limbs, flexible muscles and smooth-looking skin are all prominent in the way he passionately dances. His performances absolutely leave any breathing human awestruck, gaping and watching wide-eyed. Yanjun isn't embarrassed to do either of those since they practically come out as an automatic reaction from him. However, he is embarrassed to admit them, especially out loud, so when his friends ask him what he thought of the performance, he makes his responses simple. "Great dance." And. "That was neat."

At the side, Lin Chaoze and You Zhangjing are both giving him weird looks, wondering if he's crazy or a complete alien that he can't appreciate what real beauty on Earth is—Yanjun acts unbothered (contrast to his beating heart because holy shit was Zhengting magnificently pleasing to watch that the older man got a boner THAT NEEDS TO FREAKING GO AWAY before he gets caught at the most shameful moment of his life).

Honestly, though; if he were more of an honest and expressive person.

That was incredibly beautiful. Zhu Zhengting is stunningly beautiful. His movements are all too beautiful. And because of that, he is also someone Yanjun can't imagine possibly ever _reaching_.

So maybe that's why there's a wall between the two of them.

One is too scared to get near the other out of fear of rejection, while the other has already given up the thought of ever being close to the person he claims is too perfect for him.

A complete mismatch; they think.

Just like that they are two lines parallel, never intersecting in a graph, but are rather positioned as a duo of contrast, of star-crossed (would-be-great-lovers), and settles as a twin pair of awkwardness.

Just like that they don't give it a try and lose.

Just like that they avoid each other as much as possible, even when they are completely aware that their right partner is only a few steps, a few inches—and a few breaths away.

If only someone. God please. Someone make a move!

It doesn't even have to be either of the two.

 

 _drip_ drop _drip_ drop

 _drip_ drop _drip_

 _drip_ drop

 _dri_ — _p_

 

"Fan Chengcheng! What the heck did you just say?!" Zhengting's eyes twitched in a mix of anger and annoyance.

A panicky voice yelled from the other side of the door, "I said I accidentally broke the lock yesterday when I dropped my hair dryer, so anyone who uses the bathroom and shuts the door will be locked inside until someone comes to fix it!"

The ability to break a lock due to an item tumble is beyond Zhengting's mental understanding since anything can happen when any of his two favorite troublemakers (Chengcheng and Justin) do something out of the ordinary, so he won't question _how_.

Gritting his teeth, he replies, "Then go get a handyman so they can fix this! What are you waiting for?"

"Ah! Alright, Zheng-ge!" Chengcheng yells from the other side. "L-Let me get my phone real quick!"

Legs scurry away as Chengcheng obediently followed Zhengting's demand, scared out of his wits and for his life.

In the meantime, Zhengting is also close to dying as he feels the steam start to engulf the air, on its way to suffocate him after the hot shower tap had been turned off only a minute ago. With both hands laid across his chest, he silently prays to the angels of heaven before mumbling, "Please tell me you have a change of clothes."

Because goddamnit, he isn't exactly alone in the proximity of the bathroom, and a naked body is only an arm-length's distance away from him.

It should also be added that this is their first time being alone in a single, tight room together.

"Nope, just a towel." Yup, that definitely sounds like Yanjun. A very naked and awkward Yanjun.


	2. Chapter 2

Lin Yanjun surprisingly wakes up earlier than his roommate, Zhangjing. The weather is hot; it's summer and he had been sweating through his short-sleeve attire all night when Mother Nature demanded for a quick waterfall. Throwing his blanket aside and discarding all of his already minimal clothing on the floor, he dashes out of his room and into the bathroom without bothering to shut the door—because to emphasize, this morning-call is a much urgent one. He catches a glimpse of Zhangjing's green-lit alarm clock on top of one of the dressers with the time 5:59 blinking each passing second. Everyone had gone to sleep late; too much unpacking had to be done, so it's highly likely he's the only one up at the moment.

Switching the lights on, he does his business in lightning speed, washes his hands clean before leaning against the sink with a sigh of relief. He has barely gotten four hours of sleep—an awful greeting to start his day, and stares at his reflection from the mirror to examine droplets of sweat dripping from his forehead down to his chin.

Already naked and prepared, he walks over to the tub, aching for a cold shower and free off the unwanted humidity.

 

 

 

In the meantime, Zhu Zhengting, too, jolts awake for the third time since he had lain down on his mattress last night. Silly Justin had spooked him by making the both of them watch a viral horror video on YouTube before bed, and now he is trembling in fear at remembering the face of the female ghost. Unable to completely go back to sleep despite closing his eyes and being forced to count sheep in his head, he gets up from his mattress to head to the bathroom in hopes of washing his face from dread. He figures he could hang in the living room with his phone for the rest of the coming morning, and tire himself out to inevitably be knocked into unconsciousness to get his well-deserved rest.

Drowsiness and fright are not exactly an ideal combination for someone to be aware of their entire surroundings because Zhengting runs into the bathroom, closes it  **shut**  without realizing that the shower tap had been turned on where Yanjun happens to be cooling himself behind the shower curtains.

 **Click** \-- the door smugly grins. 

Pushing his face into his palms, Zhengting couldn't help but whine, "That Huang Minghao, I can't believe he showed me that creepy ass video last night. I can't even close my eyes without unseeing that bloody woman! My beauty sleep is ruined gaaah!" Releasing a long breath, he feels for the sink to wash his face when the unnoticed shower head goes quiet.

A stranger's voice (Zhengting supposes) cuts through the air like a sharp knife. "What woman?" they said.

Startled, he screams, "AAAH!"

"AAAH!" they, too, scream in unison to his.

Pulling the curtains off to the side, Zhengting continues to yell, "What the hell!?"

"What do you mean what the hell?" Yanjun huffs. "I should be asking you that. I was here first!"

An incoherent sound leaves his mouth, tongue-tied as he only then realizes who the voice belongs to, and how said person is standing in front of him in a state of unguarded indecency.

Goodness gracious, this is the longest conversation they have ever had. And the longest the time they have regarded one another. Yet it had to be where one is a complete nude, while the other is groggily awake? Unbelievable.

Summoning his (normally) shameless-self; his eyes dart down, examining the Taiwanese's abdominal packs (they're toned, he notes with an incoming blush), then appreciating those forming biceps (an urge to squeeze them arises which he barely manages to resist); Zhengting's gaze dips lower.

_He's— fuck— he's—_

Gulp.

_Holy shit._

The wandering stare is blatant, but is more-so appreciated by any egoist. Yanjun merely smirks in response that showed off his dimples. He doesn't know where the surge of confidence came from as he tilts his hips higher, presenting a better and clearer view for voyeurism.

Zhengting almost chokes. Finally, he looks away while still flushed around his cheeks and the tip of his ears. Too late though because he already exposed his gay ass.

 _He's_   ** _huge_ ,** _and god, those dimples. Since when were dimples a kink?_

Hurrying to the door, Zhengting roughly grabs the handle ready to swing it open and get the hell out of this awkward situation (with a mental promise to never speak of this again), except he stumbles back at the rock-hard state of the frame.

The handle won't budge.

Growing in frustration, he results to banging on the wood. "Hello?" he shouts. "Is anybody there? C'mon, open the door! This isn't funny."

He is met with complete silence.

There's rustling behind him as Yanjun wraps the one and only towel available around his hips to cover himself up.

"Let me try," the man says as he walks over to test the grip of the handle. But along the process, the Taiwanese's wet forearm brushes against Zhengting's, which momentarily sent shivers down both their spines. Yanjun nearly stepped back at the electrifying feel, whereas Zhengting stood stiff.

The main dancer wants to believe his heart isn't throbbing because of the naughty thoughts and intense cravings that invaded his mind, but as his eyes met the dangerously tempting back muscles flex before him in a delicious manner, he knew he was a goner.

Pulling and tugging at the door handle that similarly proves no use to the previous attempt, Yanjun lets go with a grunt.

They're stuck.

Yanjun notices Zhengting grow incredibly quiet, panting like it was difficult for him to breathe. He wants to ask whether the lad was alright, wants to say something, anything _—_ but their fringes are in the way for him to meet their eyes, hiding themselves from view, which he takes as a sign for _don't talk to me and don't go near me_.

His feet tracks back to the arm-length distance they originally had been before.

Recalling that they're strangers and entirely opposites, Yanjun doesn't care to move nor say another word. _I have no right to._

 

 

 

As Zhengting feels his personal space no longer being invaded, his fingers twitch for the phone he had placed on the sink the minute he entered the bathroom. Since he had planned to camp out in the living room earlier, he had brought his mobile device with him. Swiftly, he grabs the phone, unlocks the screen before going to his contact list in order to dial the number of a particular caller ID.

The call is picked up and comes a dazed and annoyed reply, "Someone have better died if you're waking me up this early."

"Chengcheng!" Zhengting says in relief. "I have an emergency! Can you get your ass out of bed and come over to the bathroom this instance? The door is stuck."

"............Oh. Shit."

 

 

 

**"Nope, just a towel."**

Yanjun tilts his head to the side, observing every single detail and expression Zhengting makes. Just because he can't talk to the man properly doesn't mean he can't sneakingly observe them in all their grace. He has always known that the lad was beautiful, but at this exact moment, the word falls too short and lackluster to what he significantly wants to rhetorically illustrate. 

No wrinkles, not even a pimple can be detected, and he guesses that this is the product from all the effort the younger man puts into following his skin-clear routine strictly and consistently. Engulfed by an over-sized shirt, two times the latter's size and shorts that hung above his knees, Yangjun bites his tongue from blurting out any term of endearment.

Zhengting switches from one foot to the other, shifting his weight indecisively. He seemed anxious at being stuck in a room with a single-toweled naked man, but the movement only made the shirt fall off his creamy shoulders, flashing enough skin (only for a second) before it is back to being "properly" concealed. Yanjun holds his breath at the sight of a peaking milky goodness. Admittedly, he feels ashamed that an innocent form of skin exposure could instantly zap his manhood into action.

The Taiwanese wets his dry lips with his tongue. _He isn't even aware that he's teasing me. Damn hormones._

 

 

 

Typically, Zhengting wouldn't go out his way to communicate with the older man, but the given situation doesn't allow him room to run from them this time. Especially with the latter being bare in front of him. With his gaze fixed to the floor, he nervously grabs his shorts and tugs them down.

Yanjun is immediately alert as he watches the scene in slow-motion, arriving at one concluded thought: _Is he offering me a strip show?_

He swallows a lump of saliva in his throat.

The shorts slips off Zhengting's smooth and hairless legs.

Karma is a bitch because this time Yanjun is the one sporting a red tomato face.

"Here," Zhengting says, "wear them." The request is simple. To any close friend, the offer would have probably sounded simple _._ He doesn't know of course since he's excluded from that listand knows nothing about the length Zhengting would go to for a 'close friend' in terms of intimate interactions _._ And that bugs him. A lot. Because has Zhengting ever offered his friends his shorts and pulled them down from his hips right in front of them?

The Taiwanese mentally growls at the thought.

Anyway, he's assuming too much that the act is nothing but a suggestive one, when the younger man's intention may ultimately be a considerate gesture for Yanjun to wear something that covers his exposed private region.

"I'm wearing boxers, so it's all good."

_It's. all. good.? Have you seen those sinful legs of yours? Any man would beg for those perfectly shaped thighs to encircle themselves around their waist._

_I can guarantee to that._

He's hopeless and craving.

A low-class man. That's what he is. A faulty match for Perfection itself.

He can't help the comparison.

Succumbing to those innocent words and a protruding pout (Yanjun's newly-discovered weaknesses), he grabs the shorts _—_ a rubber band wear that he easily adjusted to his larger waist compared to the small ant waist that he can vaguely see through Zhengting's thin shirt _—_ underneath his towel.

He wants to say a thanks even if it sounds awkward. He wants to speak, to interact no matter how small. Fighting with his inner thoughts, whether to go for it, to speak to Perfection _—_ it felt like forever before his dilemma ends, resulting to a five minute **late** response.

"Thank you," Yanjun mumbles.

It was late. Really. It was. Someone may label it as unnecessary or a waste of time. The gratitude was late as his voice hung in the smothering mood.

But a tiny grin he didn't expect came his way in a silent _you're welcome_ and suddenly, Yanjun is screwing normality and general courtesies because he has chosen to instead be pleased with his supposedly late gratitude. 

 

 

 

 

Rosemary and Mint. It's the scent of the shampoo the Taiwanese is wearing that Zhengting sniffs up his nose. Stimulating and fresh with a tinge of sweetness, a fragrance he now recognizes as a symbol of Lin Yanjun.

In dire need of music so the two occupants don't have to continue suffering from this awkward silence in the bathroom _—_ Zhengting fiddles with the phone in his hand, going to his playlist to hit the play button. Ed Sheeran’s voice immediately echoes from his phone speaker with the song “Supermarket Flowers”.

_I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill,_

_I threw the day-old tea from the cup~_

Enveloping himself into an altered mood of tranquility, he feels himself close his eyes, leaning his forehead against the door, body subconsciously swaying from side to side as he begins to lose himself to the familiar beat and lyrics.

As they wait for their rescue, Yanjun couldn't help himself, again, but speak as his head recalled the first evaluation day for Idol Producer.

“This is the song you danced to for the audition," Yanjun points out.

Startled at being interrupted from his musical trance, Zhengting drops his phone on the tiled floor which slid towards the other side of the room. He doesn’t know if he should be shocked that the man behind him had voluntary spoken to him or the fact that this song has brought a memory both can significantly share.

“Yes, it’s this song,” he says before crouching down with his back still turned to the other person, he palms the ground for his device. _Way to be clumsy, Zhu Zhengting. Now where did the damn phone go?_ The music is miraculously resuming, indicating that his phone is safe (scratched most likely, but safe) from larger destruction.

The Taiwanese watches as the other man pats the floor, searching for the phone that stopped in front of Yanjun's left foot. The younger man stubbornly refused to turn around which made him unleash his short-fuse.

_Fuck it._

Yanjun takes the phone before grabbing Zhengting's hand with a firm grip.

“Are you scared of me?” the Taiwanese softly asks.

The Human Fairy feels Yanjun breathing down his neck, which made him suck in his breath.

Surprised at the sudden close proximity, a brave tone that came out of nowhere leaves his lips in retort, “Should I be?”

The question remains unanswered. It is likely for the best. Yanjun can be a wild animal if he wants to, but, Zhengting doesn’t need to know that yet.

"You've yet to look me in the eye," Yanjun says. "It's unusually rude of you."

It’s a challenge, provoking him to deny such claim. But he also knows it is bait that once nipped, it would be difficult to turn away and back out.

“Zhengting," Yanjun whispers sensually.

It’s a first. He has never heard his name called in a sultry and divine sound before. It was enchanting and alluring _—_ doing nothing but crush his resolve of staying away from the man he doesn't want to get close to.

“Look at me.” And he does. He looks up to find that their faces are only a few centimeters apart. This was dangerous, he knew. They both knew.

_I want him._

_I want him so bad._

A thought so sudden, but a thought that have also been constructed through the countless times of trying to avoid one another, of stacked up curiosities and secret longings.

**I want you.**

Again, the shirt falls off Zhengting's shoulders that doesn't, never, goes unnoticed by the older man.

Gently, Yanjun reaches for the material before pulling it back to cover the man's exposed skin. His thumb brushes against a collarbone he refuses to admit had been on purpose. "Don't show too much skin." _I won't be able to hold back next time_  goes  **unsaid**. "You'll catch a cold." He lamely replaces.

They fall back into another silence as Yanjun pulls away after slipping the phone onto Zhengting's palm. However, this silence is different from before _—_ still tensed and far from convenience, but both can't deny that there's a lingering source of spark above their heads. Ed Sheeran's voice comes to a fade only to reappear with "Perfect". 

 _I found a love for me,_  
_Darling just dive right in,_  
_And follow my lead~_

Automatically, the Taiwanese begins to hum to the music as it turns out to be his current favorite song. Zhengting goads himself to be kind, similar to what he had received momentarily (if fixing his shirt can be deemed as such). His fingers proceeds to increase the volume. Yanjun acknowledges the gesture with a small smile none of them expected, but is essentially mirrored.

 _He's pretty when he smiles_ , both agrees in thought. _Very pretty._

Another one of their firsts.

 

 

 

Tired from standing, both are sitting cross-legged on the floor. Zhengting had called their manager for help as well, who said they will try to do something about the situation before hanging up. Slipping off his guard, to show his true whiny self, he slumps against the door by resting his left cheek on the wood, groaning, “How much longer are we going to be stuck here?”

Realizing that the main dancer is offering a conversation, Yanjun answers, "It's still pretty early, most people would be asleep or still getting ready at this time. The handyman may take awhile."

Neither imagined the long response that came, yet it did.

The tension seems to dissipate as they both stare into each other's eyes, calculating facial expressions for any sign of discomfort. There's none.

"Why are you awake in this ungodly hour?" Zhengting asks.

The curve of Yanjun's lips rises up. "I had to use the bathroom. Y'know, for a morning call."

Immediately, the brunet dancer blushes as a nasty thought invaded his mind. "By morning call, do you-" [mean a boner?!]

"No, not that kind," Yanjun defends while looking all flustered. "I needed a quick leak. And it was too hot in the room so I took a shower."

Oh.

"What about you?" the Taiwanese inquires. "Earlier, I heard you mentioning some woman."

Zhengting pouts at being reminded of his previous dilemma. "It's all Justin's fault. We watched a really creepy video of this woman ghost before bed, and now I keep having horrible images of her."

Yanjun chuckles because he had seen the behind the scenes clips of Idol Producer, thus he knows that Zhengting is afraid of anything horror related.

"You can try flirting with her," he smirks, feeling comfortable. "That's what I'd do. A woman ghost is still a woman. She needs to be handled delicately."

Snorts. "How many women have you charmed with your spell seeing how good of a sweet talker you are?"

"Not enough," Yanjun says before he could stop himself. "I don't mind attracting men as well. Would love it if you were one of them."

Shit, where did that come from, Lin Yanjun? To be honest, the Taiwanese had simply let loose of his mouth; too loose that the air around them once more became suffocating. An awkward pause lingers in the already compacted room.

Frankly, Zhengting has no idea how to respond or react. It was a pointless conversation that led to careless spouting of words that can be interpreted as a natural reaction since Yanjun has the vibe of a womanizer. Only from his vibe though because Zhengting doesn't know anything about the man's love life, and of how many persons they've dated. If he wanted to find out, well first, they had to actually talk and get close, which is something they both have been desperately trying to avoid in doing. The other possible interpretation can be that the Taiwanese is flirting with him. But that is entirely, wholly, and completely impossible since they're too awkward to have that kind of playful mood around them.

In frustration, they think and think of what to do and what to say next to each other that they don't notice the handyman they've been waiting for has finally arrived. There's a loud rush of knocks from outside. "Zhengting-ge, it's going to be alright," Chengcheng says from the other side of the door. "The person who will fix the lock is here. Sorry again. Please don't kill me once you're out."

The two stands up at the same time, half in relief, and maybe half in disappointment.

The door is finally unlocked.

Then out of nowhere, an arm circles around Zhengting, startling him as he feels his bare legs being covered by a slightly wet towel. Yanjun secures the cloth around his tiny waist with a tight ribbon, making sure they won't fall off once he lets go. The gesture was quite intimate. It can even be viewed as a possessive action that had Zhengting's heart beating rapidly. The Taiwanese walks out first once the door had been swung open and heads back to his room in a hush.

The message is metaphorically loud and clear. **Don't show too much skin**. 

"Eh? I didn't know Yanjun-ge was here with you," Chengcheng jerks back. "And in just his shorts _—_ wait _—_ aren't thoseyours?"

Xukun is with him after waking up from all the ruckus Chengcheng had made about a locked bathroom. A concerned look is plastered on his face. His leader mode switched on. "Did something happen?" Xukun frowns. "Are you two okay?"

Releasing himself from shock, he merely nods in reply because he doesn't trust that his voice won't stammer if he uses them at the moment.

_Physically, yes. But emotionally, I don't know._

 

 

 

It isn't until the following afternoon does Zhengting find his lent shorts handwashed and dried, folded on top of his bed. There's a yellow sticky note posted with the word _Thanks_.

Still a one word reply, but it carries a different feeling because Yanjun had actually made an effort to say something again to him. They had been so mute to one another before, thus, the gesture is all the more appreciated. It is a hand slowly reaching out to him. Yet it only makes Zhengting enormously afraid.

_I want him._

_But will he want me?_

 

 

 

Yanjun had touched a part of Zhengting. Even worn a part of him. It's scary recalling the time when Zhengting was so close to him, easily reachable than he originally imagined. Suddenly, he's craving and greedy for the younger man's attention he preciously claimed was unnecessary in his life. Essentially, he wants **more**.

_I want him._

_But can I want him?_

 

 

 

They have grown too thirsty. Itching for a drink, a taste of each other. And slowly, but surely one of them, maybe even the both of them, will somehow, eventually... _crack_.

 

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Lin Yanjun~ What do you think of me?~ Hm?"

Getting drunk and crawling on the Taiwanese's inviting lap _—_ despite there being a warning bell above Zhu Zhengting's head; he chooses to ignore the ringing, not-at-all wary that he's pressing himself against another man's body on the couch, and in the living room, where everyone had briefly been watching a movie until he stumbled in.

"Yaaaanjun~ Me? Look at me. Do you want to kiss me?"

The Taiwanese breaks out from his surprised state, only to smirk with one wild thought in mind. "Do YOU want to kiss me?"

"Yeah, I do.............So are you gonna do it?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working process, schedules and updates: [here](https://twitter.com/Zhu_myBub/status/1014363082817236993)
> 
>  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the pacing is slow or fast. I'm used to writing oneshots/drabbles. I used to write multichaptered fics, but that had been many years ago, so my writing has changed. I hope you guys still enjoy reading this story tho :( I will learn and adapt along the way.

"I heard you got locked inside the bathroom with Zhengting," Zhangjing says. These are the words that welcome Lin Yanjun into his room. "Were you both okay?"

He raises a brow at the '94 liner. "Yeah of course, why wouldn't we be?"

Zhangjing simply shrugs as he takes another big bite from the banana he was holding. "I've never seen you two alone together, so I was just curious." Correction, no one has ever seen them alone in one room, but the Taiwanese wasn't going to point out the obvious. "You're both really different from one another."

Hearing such a blunt statement made his heart throb. Timidly, he asks, "Different how?"

The older of the two gulps the last bit of his fruit before shooting the skin peel into the nearby trashcan. "You've always been more aloof," he explains, "Cold in appearance but never really the type to get out much unless pursued. Zhengting in contrast is livelier and very straightforward. He says what he wants, and does what he wants. You're subtle with your feelings despite acting flirtatious. You don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Not like he does."

Yanjun wants to provide some type of retaliation but the latter's words hit close to home. Anyone would have easily made the same observation about him and Zhengting _—_ _a contrasting pair—_ and that sorta pisses him off.

All he could do is stare at the wall behind Zhangjing in a daze as he allows his mind to run wild, crashing from one block to another block, and meeting only concentrated dark, pessimistic thoughts about being entirely unsuitable for Idol Producer's very own Human Fairy. 

A moment ago, he had considered  **trying** ; to making an effort to get to know Mr.Perfection.  _Can I want him?_  He had even asked in wary and tiny uneasiness. If before he had been contemplating on this desire, that is all gone now. Because in his mind, he is completely convincedthat he can't want Zhu Zhengting.

They are like two mismatched socks, submitted to fashion scrutiny. Like two same left pair of shoes, unfit to be worn by any normal individual in public. Like fire and water, difficult to coexist. 

_I already knew from the beginning that I should stay away from him._

_No need to be told twice_.

"I'm heading out," he grunts while making a grab for his phone and earphones from the bedside table.

"Where are _—_ " Yanjun doesn't let the other man finish their words as he slams the door shut, eager to get some fresh air and eliminate his toxic thoughts.

On his way out, he sees Zhengting laughing at something Xukun had said in the dining room.

He halts in his steps.

The two moves to whispering into each other's ears, sharing stories and secrets he thinks he will never know about. Shoulders brushing and stares never breaking in connection _—_ he feels his hands clench into fists, holding himself back, praying for his emotions to not take control over his body where he might do something absolutely foolish.

Zhengting laughs louder, wheezes, and Yanjun knows he shouldn't be jealous when the lad touches the arm of their leader affectionately, a wide and genuine smile on his face that the Taiwanese himself have yet to receive. But he doesn't have that sort of privilege so no one knows why he even entertained the notion. He musters up the courage to look away from the bitter scene, and leaves the house without being noticed.

 _That's right. This is where we stand. Always far from one another_.

_I need to get used to it._

* * *

 

After Zhengting's conversation with Xukun earlier, they had both gone their separate ways to attend to their businesses _—_ Xukun going back to writing his song and Zhengting proceeding to wear his second face mask of the day. The two men are close, personalities clicking in an instant during Idol Producer where they had plenty of times to be near each other's presence. Their customary proximity has warranted for casual skin ships that neither find problematic nor unpleasant to have. In fact, the skin-to-skin contact lays a preferable ground for their personal talks ranging from joyful memories to future concerns, richly expressed. It's a late discovered friendship, yet a predictably long-lasting one.

As Zhengting walks back into his room, he is greeted by Chengcheng and Justin playing a mobile game on their phones, while sitting on the bottom bunk (aka, Justin's bed).

"You and Yanjun-ge got stuck in the bathroom?" the '02 liner chuckles without looking away from his screen. "How did that go?"

The oldest of the three huffs at the taunting tone he can hear oozing from his most silly 'child'. "Fine," he grumbles before climbing the steeled ladder towards the upper bunk, intending to ignore the two for the rest of the night.

As he tucks himself underneath the blankets, prepared to rest early, Chengcheng's laugh is booming throughout the whole room. "Don't forget that one of them was half-naked, and Zhengting-ge lent Yanjun-ge his shorts!"

"Awkward~!" Justin sings. "And embarrassing~"

Zhengting frowns at the comment, and on instinct, he's already grabbing his pillow and reaching below to the bottom bunk to throw the soft cushion at the two's ( **annoying!**  - according to Zhu Zhengting) faces. "It wouldn't have happened if Chengcheng didn't accidentally break the lock! And what's so funny about the two of us getting locked inside a bathroom?"

He misses their faces because he has terrible aim. The pillow hits the wall and falls pathetically on the mattress. Both younger boys show no reaction.

"Very hilarious," Justin snorts. "You two are practically opposite creatures."

Pausing at the unexpected remark, the main dancer goes absolutely silent as he listens to Justin's rant.

"Yanjun-ge is fun to be around despite his lame ass jokes, while you, I'm sorry to say this Zhengting-ge, but you have no sense of wit amidst your incredibly toned muscles. He's also way better than you in Battleground. Sometimes he even carries our team to victory THOUGH I'M STILL TOP PLAYER."

"No, I'm the top player!" Chengcheng retorts as finally tilts his chin up from his phone to make a point.

Justin recognizes the challenge and does the same with his device.

From then on, all Zhengting can hear is the two loudly shouting at each other back-and-forth about being the better gamer. Sooner than he would like to admit, he is tuning them out as he begins to overthink the explanation given to him as to why he and a certain (new) team member are deemed as 'opposites' _—_ miffed that it's an easily distinguished claim by possibly every person he knows.

 _So what if we're opposites? That doesn't mean we can't hang out and be friends?_ He sulks.

It's not exactly a piece of cake for Zhengting to approach the Taiwanese. There are usually other people in the room with them to witness how unusually clumsy he can get when he's around Lin Yanjun. His best bet is building up the confidence to speak to the man without needing to be hyperaware of watchful eyes on them.

Notably, he did manage to say a few words aloud while they were stuck in the bathroom. He had been bored and uncomfortable of the situation, but Yanjun had not shunned him out. Instead, he received a reply to his nonsense babbling. They had been fine despite the rough meeting and tension in the air which shortly subsided.

However, if getting alone with the other man is the only way Zhengting can approach him, what are the chances it'll happen again?

One percent.

Groaning aloud, he slowly counts to three in his head before eventually exploding with a threat.

"If you two don't shut up down there," Zhengting chides, "you'll both find yourselves being kicked out this room and sleeping outside."

The argument immediately stops from the lower bunk. Followed by complete silence as if the two boys were holding their breaths for survival.

"Good," the Human Fairy sighs. "Now pass me my pillow and go to bed. Unlike you two, I need my beauty rest. Good night."

There's shuffling below, lights being turned off and blankets being pulled high.

"I said  **good night**."

"Good night, Zheng-ge," the two choruses obediently because a tired and upset Zhengting is not one to be messed with. They know from experience.

* * *

Call Zhengting paranoid, but ever since that incident he has been anxious to open the door to the bathroom from fear of finding a certain Taiwanese standing in the tub wet and naked, again. After completing his morning facial routine, he had placed a hand over his chest with one quick prayer before he is pulling the handle open. What greets him is a sight of a barely awake Ziyi, leaning against the opposite wall, patiently waiting for his turn. "You all done, Zheng? Gotta shave this beard before we go out for the meeting later."

At seeing the fascinating stubble on Ziyi's chin, he couldn't help himself but to reach over and cup a feel. The short little hairs tickle his hand which aroused a soft giggle out of him. "The bathroom is all yours, Santa Bro~"

Ziyi makes a face at him, looking annoyed although in a lighthearted manner because it's difficult for anyone to actually get mad at someone as bright and carefree as Zhengting. The rapper simply ruffles the other man's hair, messing it up on purpose to catch a pout on Zhengting's face _—_ _cute _—__ before he is off to shaving and starting his day in a perkier mood.

The Yuehua leader stomps off to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for everyone, which had been his plan from the beginning after waking up early, while attempting to fix his ruined light brown hair.

What he doesn't expect is to see another person already there, rummaging through the cabinets.  _Guess, this is that one percent._ He jerks back as his eyes meet Yanjun's darker orbs. They stare at each other for a few seconds in surprise as they suddenly recalled the bathroom incident from the day before. A blush crept up their faces. Zhengting has to visibly shake his head once a body image of total nakedness entered his mind.

Turning away at the awkward man, he quickly busies himself with the refrigerator by gathering the ingredients he needs to cook for his most confident dish, stir fry egg and tomatoes. He fumbles with the tomatoes, barely catching them in his hands, too aware that an unexpected audience is in place and he has yet to calm himself down from becoming a nervous wreck. No one knows why Lin Yanjun has this effect on Zhu Zhengting, he just does. It's probably because of his handsome face, his sweet smile and cute dimples _—_ someone shut this Human Fairy up!

The Taiwanese does the same of looking away by focusing on the task at hand with boiling water for his morning coffee. He feels that it would be quite rude of him if he doesn't ask the other person in the room if they also want a cup, but the problem lies with the fact that he isn't familiar with Zhengting's taste for drinks. He wants to ask _—_ déjà vu as he is fighting with his head again—whether he can go spill the words out without stammering, or back out like the usual instead of breaking a sweat to even try. _How do you like your coffee?_  It sounds like a simple question, but it takes more guts than anyone can imagine for Yanjun to ask that. After all, he deems himself unworthy to get to know an elegant person like Zhengting.

It may sound ridiculous but someone like him who has to take the spotlight in order to be noticed is different from one who already has the spotlight wherever they go.

_I'm sure Xukun wouldn't even need to say anything._

_He'd just do it. Because he knows Zhengting like the back of his hand._

Zhengting decides to take a peek over his shoulder to notice that the Taiwanese's body has gone stiff; drowning in their thoughts that they have yet to pour hot water on their cup even when the boiler had already released a sound of it being done. He stops mixing the eggs in a bowl, hesitating momentarily before reaching over to tap the other man's right arm. "Yanjun-ge?"

Said man jumps at the contact, twirling to look him in the eye. "Yes?"

He points at the boiler with a concerned look. "Your water will get cold if you don't use it immediately."

Slowly, the Taiwanese nods at his advice, still a little out it. Yanjun begins to pour water on his cup only to realize that there's enough water for one more drink. He curses himself because subconsciously he knew he wanted to ask the dancer about their tongue palate but is too much of a coward to actually do it.

On the other hand, Zhengting has gained confidence to keep talking after receiving a genuine reaction from the lad. "I'm making stir fry eggs and tomatoes. Do you want me to cook it regularly or with garlic?"

This time, Yanjun blankly stares at him (stunned at unceasingly being spoken to).

As fast as Zhengting's resolve came, as fast as it has crumbled. He licks his lips in nervousness waiting for the man to say something, anything.

Zhangjing's words begin echoing in the Taiwanese's head.

**You don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Not like he does.**

Feeling ignored, Zhengting retracts back, creating a distance between the two of them with a dejected look (that made Yanjun's heart ache). As soon as he was about to turn around and continue with his cooking (with the thought of minding his own business), Yanjun grabs him by the wrist. "Garlic. And—" wetting their dry lips, "how do you like your coffee?"

His eyes widen at the earnest words. Yanjun is asking him a personal question for the first time since they've met. Honestly, he's delighted.

"Two teaspoon of sugar and three cream," he whispers, still in shock.

Yanjun feels a smile appearing across his lips, proud at the fact that he somehow expected Zhu Zhengting to like his coffee sweet. "Mine is one teaspoon of sugar and two cream," the Taiwanese offers. He doesn't need to—it's absolutely unnecessary, but he decides to uncover some kind of personal information about himself too, to the lad. Because that's how two people get to know each another—through shared efforts from both sides.

_I know I have to stay away._

_However, just this once, I want to follow my heart._

Opting to be playful, Yanjun bumps his hips against Zhengting's, who had been concentrating on their cooking all along. "Need a hand?"

He receives a squeal, followed by an adorable frown. "Can you please help me make nine servings of this? And help set up the table?"

"Sure, Baobao~" he sings casually.

The pet name makes Zhengting's heart skip a beat, falling weak at the sound of endearment, accompanied by those handsome dimples once again.

Zhengting allows himself to enjoy the moment. A moment reserved for him and—goddamnit, he doesn't want to admit it as he has been constantly denying it up until now—his  **secret**  crush.

"Baobao," the voice knocks him out of his thoughts. "Mind if I try your coffee?"

"It might be too sweet for you though," he reasons with a confused look.

The Taiwanese merely shrugs before taking a sip. "Ah, so this is the taste you prefer. It suits you."

It isn't supposed to sound charming, but somehow it does, and it made Zhengting go extremely red.

"Baobao, you're red. Like final episode of Idol Producer Fan Chengcheng's hair gone red."

"No I'm not, shut up."

"Baobao—" Zhengting groans at the name. Yanjun chuckles because he's a teasing little shit who's more than enough pleased with his own flirtatious behaviour.

Normally, he wouldn't act like this but as he has mentioned before, right now, all he wants to do is to follow his heart and to stop overthinking things for a moment, so he can truly be happy.

"--Oh, I was right. I thought I heard Yanjun-ge's voice."

Sucks for him though because he knows their moment is a temporary one. Someone is bound to come into the kitchen and wake them from this too-good-to-be-true of a dream of false convenience. Here comes that interruption, and surprisingly (only to Yanjun), it's Ziyi.

Zhengting looks up and laughs. "You're done shaving! No more Santa Bro~!" Ziyi snorts while rolling his eyes. "Why don't you wake the rest of the guys and tell them to come down to have breakfast."

The '96 liner hums in compliance before walking out of the kitchen.

Yanjun envies how natural their interaction had been, and wishes he can have the same experience with Zhengting wherever and whenever.

A similar hip bump he had given came his way, getting his attention as to look back at the younger man beside him. "What happened to helping me set up the table? Don't get distracted now."

"How can I not get distracted when I have such a beautiful person near me?"

That leaves Zhengting gaping in astonishment; Yanjun winks out of nature because he's a flirt, and he hopes it can be a catalyst to make his words appear as a joke. Because he's afraid of revealing his true feelings this way.

_Issa joke. A fake joke anyway._

* * *

Everyone is sitting around the table eating the breakfast Zhengting made.

"Oh my god, this is so good~" Zhangjing exclaims as he stuffs his mouth with food.

"Respect Zhengting-ge," Xiao Gui adds. "This dish is so my style."

Xukun reaches over to hold Zhengting's hand (to Yanjun's dismay). "Thank you for making us breakfast."

 _What the fuck kind of comment is that? He's acting like they're married_.

He takes another mouthful of rice, head bowed and looking away from the overly enthusiastic members; bothered as he sits three chairs away from their Human Fairy. But this is normal for them, and they're back to being at each other's opposite ends. The atmosphere that they had from the kitchen is completely forgotten. It's probably better this way, yet he hates it at the same time.

Yanjun, too, wants to offer a few words of flattery. Being too self-conscious of the other members in the room does not allow him this freedom however, so he crawls back into his guarded shell and choosing distance as key.

Simply speaking—he's pathetic.

 

 

 

On their way to the meeting with the management building of iQiyi, Yanjun sits at the very back with Linong, while Zhengting is squished between Justin and Xiao Gui in the middle row. They arrive with no problem, and are led to the elevator and up to the second highest floor. Inside is where they are tasked to read their new contracts, sign them and agree with permissions from their respective companies and lawyers (for Cai Xukun in this case) about their given rules and regulations. It takes almost four hours for the papers to be processed before they can be told to go home. Xukun stays for another two hours, still consulting with the CEO so only eight people take the van back to the house, while Xukun takes a different car ride.

Ziyi, being the sweet member that he is, suggests for the older-line members to have a small drinking party after such a tiring and complicated day. Xukun is all for it, needing to release some steam. Yanjun intended to pass up with the idea after realizing that Zhengting had agreed, and he really didn't want to see the man right now (bitter at his own cowardice), until Zhangjing forced him to join them, calling him a lazy old ass who needs to have a bit of fun.

So here they are, all five of them sitting in their quite spacious terrace, a bottle in hand as they take a swig at their alcohol.

Zhengting tried inviting the youngest member of their 'these-members-are-allowed-to-drink' line, but, "Xiao Gui said he'd rather watch a movie with the young kids than drink with the oldies. I pinched his cheeks just for that comment."

Everyone chuckles at him, even Yanjun because it's funny and he's slightly intoxicated.

"Man, my previous company is full of shit," Xukun cusses which he normally doesn't do, meaning he's completely out of it and gives no fucks about everything—including Yanjun's feelings because there he goes leaning his body against Zhengting's asking to be hold. The Taiwanese doesn't have the heart to be sincerely jealous this time; instead, he pities their leader as he listens to them rant without even taking a breath to pause.

"Kunkun," Zhengting frowns as he hugs the younger man tighter into his arms and snuggling his cheeks against their soft hair. "Everything will be okay. We're all here for you."

Yanjun is glaring now. He really tried to hold back, but this—this is too much. Even for someone like him who has his heart locked inside an iron-wall cage, seeing the person you secretly desire in someone else's arms is a strong blow to the abdomen.

Gulping down his last bit of alcohol and feeling the scorching liquid trickle pass his throat; he slams the bottle on top of the table and stands up from his seat in order to excuse himself. "I'm done for the night. I'll hang with the kids."

That's what he does despite the protest from the other guys as he flops on the couch beside a sleeping Chengcheng. No one is even watching the movie anymore; they're all dead to the world. With a foul mood, he closes his eyes to follow everyone into dreamland, when suddenly; he feels a weight on top of his body.

"Why did you leave just like that~?" a person whines. "So rude, Baobao."

He doesn't have to open his eyes to know whose adorable voice that belongs to, rather, he lets himself relish the warmth by selfishly pulling the man closer to his frame.

"Hey, Lin Yanjun~ What do you think of me?~ Hm?"

The question is innocent yet he feels the sharp thorns that accompany its flight, daring him to say the words he has been hopelessly trying to hide.

_I like you, a lot. But that sounds lame and I'm afraid to say it._

"Yaaaanjun~ Me? Look at me. Do you want to kiss me?"

The Taiwanese's heart skips a beat with an added somersault. He has entertained the image too many times in his head. Often shook them away when those red, plump lips haunted him during broad daylight when he has to focus on work.

As if he wants to play along, he opens his eyes and shoots the younger lad a smirk, one wild thought blaring in his mind. "Do YOU want to kiss me?"

It isn't the answer he was expecting. "Yeah, I do. So are you gonna do it?"

It isn't the move he wanted to make because clearly he had been too eager to lean in and capture those lips, hurriedly and hungrily, as soon as permission was granted.

The only time he pulls away is to say, "Don't regret it in the morning." Zhengting is kissing him back, hard, tugging at his hair, moaning into his mouth, which makes him incredibly turned on. They're grinding against one another. The only thing separating them is the thin clothes they are wearing, but even with them on, Yanjun can feel the flaming skin (both from embarrassment and fervent arousal). He feels something wet around his lower region; his hot member up and excited. They're drunk and being stupid.

It's a sinful mistake, yet also, a pleasant addiction. Neither one of them wants to stop. They craved this for so long. Alcohol is their only excuse.

Eventually moving back to breathe in air, with their foreheads touching, Yanjun traces Zhengting's soft fingers, interlocking them with his slightly larger hand only to realize that they fit perfectly against his. He steals another peck because he's intoxicated and he doesn't want to miss this rare opportunity. The younger man only giggles, proceeding to cuddle into him more and nestling their face further into his neck, sniffing his Rosemary and Mint scent.

His arms are wrapped in a possessive and desperate embrace.

_I don't want to let go. I don't want morning to come. Let us stay like this forever._

There's shuffling outside the terrace that made Yanjun's heart panic. He gently moves Zhengting's sleeping body towards Chengcheng and leaves the treacherous scene before he can be caught.

**Cowardice at its finest.**

_I'm doing this because I don't want to break his heart._

_I don't deserve him in any way_.

_Someone else would make him happy._

_More than I ever would_.


	4. Chapter 4

Feeling his heart thump rapidly and his cheeks burn hot, Zhengting is so close to backing out—to revealing his true state and abandoning his fanatical emotions.

The moment Yanjun stood up from his seat and left sans any reluctance despite their protests of convincing him to stay, Zhengting's body moved accordingly on its own. 'Wait. Don't go yet,' he almost pleaded. 'I still want to be near you.' After carefully placing a barely conscious, drunk Xukun to the reliable (and more) sober Zhangjing, he had followed the Taiwanese inside the house and into the living room with a short sway to his steps. He's drunk, but not enough for him to not know exactly what he's doing.

Crawling into the older man's lap and pressing his chest against theirs, whilst mewling for answers he selfishly wants to hear.

 **Lin Yanjun, what do you think of me?** He had boldly asked.

 **Look at me.** He dared say because he has an excuse for doing so. In appearance, he's very much out of his head, purposely slurring his words and staring up at those dark brown eyes in a hazy gaze. They were important expressions to make so everything seemed believable.

 **Do you want to kiss me?** He had added because it was a dumb wish. The longer he observed the Taiwanese's rosy red and kissable lips, the stronger the urge got, and Zhengting (in the most vulnerable-looking condition he could mask) snatched it.

 _Because I want to taste you_. It was the only thing ringing in his mind.

But at the same time, he was also very close to leaning back. Close to ending his phony act. Close to apologizing. _I'm sorry Yanjun-ge, I'm not actually really drunk. I just want to know if there's a chance for an 'us' to happen. Even if the possibility is as tiny as a green bean—would you like me in the way I like you?_

The fear of rejection had been ringing at the back of his head the entire time. A fear excruciatingly painful to ignore as he makes a silent promise to himself to never ever approach the older man again if somehow; at this very instance, if Yanjun pushes him away—he'd forget his dumb feelings for the Taiwanese since everyone seems to think that this person isn't an ideal match for him.

"Do YOU want to kiss me?" The older man smirks.

 _He took the bait!_ Zhengting thinks, and maybe this is the evil side Chengcheng and Justin tries so hard to prove to other people that he has.

"Zhengting is pretty caring," Yanchen says with a smile. "He's like a  very sweet and gentle mother." Whenever a comment like this would appear, the two troublemakers would always be quick to intervene.

"No, he's not," Chengcheng interrupts. "Zhengting-ge is a devil. He's scary when he gets mad. He looks like Medusa with her creepy ass snake hair."

Justin nods before adding, "But with Gege, it's his thick furrowed brows."

The two paraded around in the halls with this announcement, which reached practically every trainee's ears. Bufan who is a fellow '96 liner even acted cautiously around him after being notified that Zhengting hated loud noises in his room. It was funny to see one unbelievably huge man tiptoe his way inside to a grab a simple pair of dorm slippers with a tiny 'sorry to bother you' greeting before scurrying off in a panicky state.

He had given both Chengcheng and Justin an earful for the "ridiculous" rumors they spread, though it only made their case more concrete once Li Xikan walked in on the scolding session and ran off telling everyone that the two younger Yuehua boys were on the verge of crying with—open quote ZHU ZHENGTING IS YELLING AT HIS KIDS AND IS MAKING THEM CRY close quote. 

 **Yeah, I do. So are you gonna do it?** He tested.

It was both a foolish and hopeless gamble.

He waits for a reaction, and subconsciously he may have been praying, _Don't reject me. Please._ and _Don't push me._ repeatedly _._

It takes him awhile to realize that there is a mouth pressed against his own. He is being kissed...and being held. Being pulled close into the person's chest by strong arms. Gradually, Zhengting allows himself to be devoured by Lin Yanjun, the one man he secretly wants Fate to pair him with.

He kisses back because it's what his heart is telling him to do, and because he had been craving for these lips for so long that there is nothing else in the world he would love to be doing.

* * *

There's this guy Zhengting saw for the first time. Well, "first" may not technically be the correct term to use because they have both been participating in Idol Producer for a few weeks now so he probably caught a glimpse of his shadow somewhere, but since he had been too busy taking care of the other Yuehua boys (whom he calls his kids) and in improving his own skills, he had not gotten the chance to properly meet every single trainee on the show. Lin Yanjun, the man voted as best visual by the majority of the trainees had just caught his eyes.

The voting was definitely not rigged. Zhengting has never seen someone as handsome as the silver head man, awing at their face on screen. The Taiwanese (as he later leans through a simple Weibo search) was undeniably striking and charming. He was surprised to know that he had not taken notice of the individual before even when they are practically a walking topmodel.

Suddenly, he's seeing the Taiwanese everywhere. But said person is also never alone. There's one particular trainee whom Zhengting can say he's actually close to since they've bumped into each other countless of times in the hallways and clicked like a pair of pink pompoms with their quirky personalities. It was You Zhangjing. Everyone's cutie pie. The one glued to Lin Yanjun every time Zhengting catches a glimpse of Mr.Stoic from across the room. He doesn't like the ugly feeling that arises through him whenever he does look, so he tares his eyes away to focus on something less distracting. He doesn't do hate. But at that moment, he hated the distance he prominently had with the '96 liner. Something he believes he wouldn't be able to close seeing as his presence would just warrant for unwantedness.

"I'm not some kind of homewrecker," he whispers with a downcast look. "I refuse to be."

Zhengting is deluded though since there's nothing going on between Yanjun and Zhangjing. How can something so absurd happen when he has one of them wrapped around his finger. He just doesn't know it yet.

They will not be on the same teams for any following performances, which awfully discouraged him from fully getting to know the man. It isn't until during the final episode of the show where their names are both called out to be part of Nine Percent do they officially interact. It was a simple hug; an embrace that confirmed Zhengting's concern when his heart skipped a beat through one mere physical contact. 

 _"_ Congratulations, _"_  they awkwardly say to each other.

_Congratulations, Stranger._

* * *

Bitterly, he recalled.

They did not know each other well. Never had the chance to. And therefore, he thought, Yanjun wasn't the person Fate chose to interlink him with. That they were nothing more than two awkward mismatched pair lost in a sea of millions of destined couples.

Yet as Zhengting dances his tongue together with Yanjun's wet flesh, their mouths never parting far enough to catch even a single breath, and with their saliva mixing in haste, he lavishes the bitter taste of alcohol residue, eager to suck more, and have something so delicious to nibble on. The older man's hands roam all over his lithe body, starting from the arch shape of his back down to the curve of his ass, sexually touching him in places he would never allow someone else to touch him. Zhengting only clung desperately in response, encouraging Yanjun to fondle his cheeks more, to grind harder against his hardening member because he refused to lose their precious proximity—then does he think for a minute that maybe, this time... **Fate had been waiting for this particular moment.**

"Don't regret it in the morning," the Taiwanese whispered against his lips.

 _I would never,_ Zhengting secretly grins.

_Stranger, I don't know you well. You don't know me well either. We were given no opportunity to properly meet, and everyone around us says we're different. That we're awkward._

_I believed them._

_But right now, everything feels right. Me being in your arms feels so right, and if ever you decide to take responsibility for this kiss—if ever you choose to lie here with me on the couch—Lin Yanjun, I am willing to show you all of me._

There's rustling in the terrace. They both hear the other guys cleaning up, prepared to go back inside. Zhengting feels Yanjun's body go stiff before the warmth enveloping him disappears in frantic.

His "sleeping" body is moved beside another resting person ( _who?_ he wonders because he had been too dazed to take a look at their face). As he hears the rushing of footsteps fade out of the clearing, a realization hits Zhengting. Lin Yanjun just kissed him only to leave him in an instance. The main dancer feels a tremendous fear enter his head. 

Had he been kissed because the Taiwanese felt something for him too, or was it all on a spur of a heated moment? He's scared to ask knowing the answer may be the latter.

_Oh God, no._

 

 

 

The minute Yanjun closes the door to his room shut; his legs give way, making him lean against the wooden frame with a troubled look. "Fuck, I shouldn't have done that." Sitting on the cold floor like the loser he feels he is, he covers his face in shame.

"What do I tell him tomorrow? Will he even remember what we did just now? Shit. I think I just took advantage of a drunken man." Leaning back to thump his head against the door, he curses at himself, "Stupid Yanjun. Keep your feelings under control. It's not like you'll ever have a chance with someone as beautiful and as popular as him."

Sighing, he touches his lips with two of his fingertips. _But that kiss...that was probably the best kiss I've ever had. Fuck, that wasn't even a simple kiss we had. I can't believe I made out with Zhu Zhengting. Me?_ A crimson red blush is now painted across his cheeks. _I played tug-of-war with his tongue and dry humped him on the couch (WITH AN INNOCENT CHENGCHENG SLEEPING A FEW INCHES AWAY FROM US)?! The hell did I just do._

"This can't be real," he mutters. But then he slides a hand down his pants and cupped his member to realize that it's hard as rock and protruding precum at the tip, which can only mean that Yes, Lin Yanjun, You Fucking Did That To Zhu Zhengting And Scurried Off Like The Coward You Are From Fear Of Letting Everyone Know Your True Feelings.

 _His lips_. Zhengting tasted bitter yet sweet like vanilla. _I'm insane. I have got to be insane for thinking that I want another taste of him. This isn't right._

Placing his chin on top of his crossed forearms, he sighs. "But it's normal. It's totally normal to crush on Idol Producer's very own Human Fairy. He's got people crushing on him left and right. I'm no different. I'm nothing special to him. In the end, I will end up just like **those other guys**."

* * *

The fourth floor building where Idol Producer is being shot at is an infamous place for heartbreaks and forlorn. Specifically at the far end of the bathroom corridor. There are no cameras around. No wiretaps. No microphones under their collars to be seen. As the clock ticks to 1:30PM, the staffs decide to change their camera tapes and take an hour break from filming. The trainees are temporarily free. They can do whatever they want.

Like make a huge ruckus by throwing mini parties, or cursing all the hell they want to let off steam. Or like using the time to confess to your crush and ask them out in hopes of receiving only acceptance. Yanjun stumbles upon such incidence by accident. Someone was confessing his feelings to one Zhu Zhengting.

"What is it?" the Yuehua leader asks with a tilt of his head to the left. "What was so important that you wanted to talk to me here?" 

If only there was a navigator in his head that prevented him from wandering along the halls that led him to witnessing what was supposed to be a private scene he had no business of. If only there was a warning bell ringing alarmingly, screaming at him to stop and turn the other way, he wouldn't have had to be so vain.

"I-I like you, Zhengting." He swears he has never seen Yanchen look so shy and red in front of anyone before. He was also taken aback that the man liked Zhengting in that way. However, he takes into account the intimacy they displayed for the PPAP performance as clue for the romantic interest Yanchen had towards their Human Fairy. He shouldn't be all that shock. Not only is he a human fairy, Zhengting is pretty much a human magnet, too. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Yanjun sucks in his breath as he hides behind a wall. There was a short moment of silence before an answer was finally given.

He listens every single time to the private conversations because it doesn't happen only once and it isn't just Yanchen feeling this way. Many more guys dragged Zhengting up here to profess their feelings. It was curiosity and desperation that urged him to spy, expecting the already habitual rejection. At one point, he had even begun to pray for the cycle to continue and for it to never break. Because if he can't have Zhu Zhengting, the main subject of his affection, then no one else should have him. It was a crazy thought, and an imprudent wish to have. 

Their words _—_ no matter how much they try to scramble the phrase "I like you"; they all end up being dismissed.

The innocent ones.

_\- "Zhengting, I've been meaning to say this for awhile now. But I like you."_

_\- "It's the first time I've ever felt this way for a guy. I just wanted you to know and ask if I have a chance."_

_\- "This may come out as a surprise. But I think I've fallen for you, Zheng-ge."_

Others are bolder.

_\- "I'm gay for you."_

_\- "Go out with me."_

And then there are those he hated, the stupid ones.

\- _Can we fuck?_

_\- How about having a one-night stand with me? Y'now when your Yuehua kids are all asleep._

Zhengting gives them all the exact same response. **"Thank you for feeling that way about me. But I will have to decline."** And walks away leaving some disappointed, some frustrated and some brokenhearted.

The Taiwanese has witnessed and eavesdropped on all these occasions. It's the sadistic side of him that allows himself to enjoy such scenarios. Believing that he has no chance or guts to do the same thing these guys are doing, and so quietly, he feeds off on the rejected hearts in order to create this blur resolution that the Human Fairy isn't deserving of just anyone. It will take another perfect person to appear, for them to be swept off their feet.

That kind of person, however, is a far cry from representing Lin Yanjun. He's a flirt, has dated various girls and boys, and has had sex with random people because they threw themselves at him whenever he walked by. He liked having the control and to being able to monopolize the weak-hearted individuals who fool themselves into falling for his good looks. Of course, he treated everyone with respect and acted like the gentleman of a boyfriend they all wanted him to be. But he could never be attached. He could shake their hearts easily and make their legs wobbly with a simple wink, yet they couldn't do the same to his heart. There had been no one _—NO ONE—_ until Zhu Zhengting danced his way into his life, bending in all sorts of ways across the floor, showing off their flexibility and elegance from their head to the tips of their fingers and toes that abruptly took his breath away.

There are people willing to lick Zhengting's feet, but he has done the complete opposite Yanjun has done. He didn't indulge in the attention he got, but rather remained grateful  to the compliments whilst clearing his head from distractions and prioritizing his dreams without falter. What's even more amazing is that the guys who confessed to Mr.Perfect never hated him. They couldn't because Zhengting treated them no different as to how they were treated before they professed their feelings. Zhengting was sociable, yes, carefree, yes, but most importantly, he was pure. 

Yanjun sees why the other members think they are two different creatures despite walking on the same planet of Earth. He agrees and takes it to his heart because as more and more people throw themselves at them, the difference is clear. Yanjun is a people-pleaser who would be willing to play along with their romantic illusions, while Zhengting is more resistant and unattainable to those who admire him.

'I like you, Zhu Zhengting.' It lies foreign at the tip of his tongue and he can't say it out loud. Not when he has Zhengting's words of rejection already imprinted in his mind. He doesn't want a rehearsed thank-you.

 

 

 

The next morning, they both act ignorant.

Xiao Gui is a darling. He had volunteered to buy the members who drunk last night hangover soup from a convenience store nearby. Zhengting has to pretend his head hurts by placing his head down against the kitchen table and letting out soft timely groans to synchronize with Xukun's sickly noises. Or else how will he able to prove that he doesn't remember what had happened between him and a certain Taiwanese.

Speaking of Yanjun, the man hasn't said anything to him at all. Never even glanced his way which Zhengting finds incredibly annoying. Sure they were always awkward with one another, but this is a whole new level of avoiding someone's existence that lives under the same roof as you. What's even more distasteful is that Yanjun greeted every Nine Percent member a good morning except for him. He feels the little hairs on his forearms rise accompanied by a frown. "Jerk," he mumbles underneath his breath the minute Yanjun passed him to walk around the table so he doesn't sit anywhere near Zhengting.

The Taiwanese shows no sign indicating that he heard the name-call. He pouts even more.

Once everyone is seated, Chengcheng reaches a hand to rub Zhengting's back. "How many shots did you take?"

He relaxes at the touch, mumbling, "I don't recall. Everything that happened from last night is all a blur."

"Jeez." A concerned look from Chengcheng came his way. "Why did you drink so much? Aren't you supposed to be the responsible one?"

He sticks his tongue out childishly. "That's only when I'm leading my Yuehua kids. In Nine Percent, I'm not the oldest or the leader. I want to be pampered, too, y'know."

Xukun, who has sobered up with the help of Xiao Gui's soup, suddenly pets his hair. "I'll pamper you all you want Zhengzheng."

He chuckles. "Isn't it the other way around? I'm pretty sure you dumped yourself on me last night and had me caressing your worries away."

At that moment, Zhangjing places his spoon down to join in on the conversation. "You looked like a kicked kitten, Xukun."

"With a very foul mouth," Ziyi adds, and it elicited laughter from the group.

The dark-haired man blushes at the teasing.  "I was drunk, and stressed. Please erase that image of me from your minds."

Amidst the fun, there is one member who remains quiet throughout the whole exchange. That is until Zhangjing nudges them on their elbow. The eldest whispers, "What's keeping you stuck on your mind?"

Yanjun is startled at being spoken to, so he shrugs his shoulders. "Nothing. Just spacing out."

Raising a brow, Zhangjing presses a hand against the lad's forehead. "Fever?" the man asks. "You don't feel hot."

Without missing a beat, Yanjun says, "I'm always hot."

"Typical." Zhangjing rolls his eyes. "But I don't mean that kind."

Again, he shrugs because he's tired to show a better reaction. His eyes dart towards the other side of the dining table where he sees Zhengting grinning widely at their leader.  _They look good together,_ he bitterly admits.

"It's not like I want to be stuck in my head," he mutters without breaking eye contact from the scene in front of him. "There's this super hot glue invading all my thoughts, wrecking sticky havoc and asking for my sole attention. It refuses to let me go, clinging to everything that I am, and stupidly enough, I don't have the strength to set myself free. I'm stuck because I don't know if I'm doing the right thing."

Shocked _—_ that's definitely too much information for Zhangjing to hear. Not to mention that his words were poetic and disguised as riddles for the older man to completely decipher them appropriately. "Well, what are you doing?"

Melancholy, he replies, "Avoiding from stepping on the glue."

"Does it make you happy?"

He feels his heart clench. Slowly, Yanjun turns his head to look at Zhangjing in the eye.

His voice sounds broken. "It's killing me inside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working process, schedules and updates: [here](https://twitter.com/Zhu_myBub/status/1014363082817236993)
> 
>  


	5. Chapter 5

After dutifully serving his empty stomach and washing his plate clean, Zhengting heads off to his room in order to plop on his bed and spend his leisure time with his handphone. But right when he was about to close the door, a body slips pass the entrance way to occupy his space. "Baobao," the call is faint, and it sent an electrifying chill to slither up his spine.

With a challenging glare, he huffs, "So now you talk to me."

Taken aback at the harsh tone, Yanjun runs a hand through his hair and sighs, "You're mad at me."

"Of course I'm mad at you." Zhengting scoffs before crossing his arms. "You greeted everyone a good morning but me." It's a petty argument he admits. But, the earlier event did more damage to his feelings than anyone else can imagine. There was this belief he had built up where the Taiwanese was no longer uncomfortable of his presence, followed by an exciting thought invading his head that they might just be able to form some kind of close relationship with one another. Their recent skin ships and amiable salutes by having lengthier conversations as well as accepting each other's companionship gave him a confidence boost. They're closer than before, right? No longer known as strangers?

Consequently, however, the minute he got brushed off at the dining table, the notion of considering each other as "close" instantly receded. A sword seems to stab him through his fragile heart, and he is left fatally wounded (as dramatic as it sounds because when has Zhu Zhengting never been dramatic?).

He hates to think that it will be like this every single time they interact. Hates how sensitive he can be, and easily pained he'd be whenever the man he secretly likes treats him like he doesn't matter. It's pitiful on his part; to have someone decide his mood for him based on a simple act of snub and unimportance. Emotionally, it destroys him to think he is having a one-sided love, and he wishes for nothing else but for these feelings to be returned. Does Yanjun feel the same way he does? He wants to ask although he isn't prepared to hear the answer.

Pining over someone sucks. Pining over a Lin Yanjun triple sucks. Because he can never read the man properly as to find out whatever it is he is looking for. 

The Taiwanese bites the side of his cheek and makes sure the door is locked behind him so no one can interrupt their conversation. He looks at the younger man with an apologetic look. "And I deserve to be called a jerk." He takes a step closer to Zhengting. Gently, he places both his hands on their hips, giving them a squeeze to make his guilt more apparent. "I'm sorry."

Eyes widening at the warm touch, Zhengting's body begins to relax. "You heard what I said?"

Yanjun nods with a rueful grin. "You should have called me something worse."

Zhengting pouts. "If you were going to look this sorry, why did you do it in the first place?"

Rubbing the dancer's small waist with his thumbs, Yanjun says, "I do a lot of stupid things ( _when it comes to you)._ Unfortunately."

"Well, what is it?" Zhengting asks while placing his palms over Yanjun's hands. "You followed me inside here; something must have been bothering you?" He's feigning innocence. At the back of his head, he knew why the Taiwanese came to him. It was to confirm his supposedly-faint memories regarding their scandalous kiss.

"I wanted to ask if you really don't remember anything that happened from last night." See.

His mouth moves in practice, "I got wasted and blacked out."

Warily, Yanjun begins searching his eyes for the truth. "So you don't recall going into the living room?"

Choosing to avoid the latter's gaze, Zhengting stares at the suddenly interesting-looking floor, and lies through his teeth. "I figured it must have been Ziyi who brought me inside. He's strong. I'm sure he can carry my passed out self easily."

Yanjun hums at his response with an unreadable expression on his face. Letting his hands fall by his side, he says, "I think I did see Ziyi carrying you to the couch." There's a mix of confusion and tension lingering in the air. They pretend they don't notice.

Awkwardly, he raises a hand to wave at Zhengting. "Uhm, I'll see you then." He turns around to take his leave. However, as soon as he reached for the doorknob, he feels a grip tugging on his elbow which halts him in his track.

"A-Am I supposed to remember something important?" Zhengting clearly stuttered. He knows he's playing with fire.

It doesn't sit right with him that they are both running away from a possible mutual deed; as much as it may be a pleasurable and sinful mistake. What are they exactly to each other? They avoid conversing in public, act all flirty the next in private, kisses them full on the lips, and runs off into their locked thoughts like scaredy-cats. He wants to believe that there are real feelings involved—of sweet budding romance and potential hardcore promises consisting of long-term commitments. But it's confusing at best because they're both great liars, and are professionals at faking their emotions. Even towards their own selves.

It's scary to think they could both be wearing disguises, over their faces and over their hearts. Anxiously, they want to break free, but they don't know how to go about it without exposing their real feelings first. Zhengting doesn't have the guts to take that risk. Neither does Yanjun (if only he knew). Hence, they don't meet eye-to-eye and remains at a standstill on understanding one another.

The Taiwanese doesn't turn to look at him. Instead, his hand is slowly being peeled off their elbow as the man murmurs, "More like, it's something I don't want you to remember."

He freezes at the unexpected response. "You might come to hate me for it, for what I did. I'm content with what we have whatever this is; talking comfortably and being honest about what we feel to each other. We've come far compared to when we were both on Idol Producer. I feel like now, I know you a bit more." Yanjun chuckles at the irony in his words. That was a total lie. "We did something really dumb last night. But since you don't even remember what it is that went on between us, I, too will forget that it ever happened. In that way, we can go back to acting normally. Just like you said, Ziyi brought you to the couch after you passed out, while I went straight to my room after finishing a bottle and slept."

"Dumb, huh," Zhengting absentmindedly whispers. That word refused to leave his head.

Shortly, Yanjun is licking his lips in uneasiness before he recalls the second reason he followed Zhengting into the room. He pats the back pocket of his jeans to find a pill safely tucked inside. Twirling around to finally look at Zhengting in the face, he offers out a hand. "I almost forgot. This should help with your hangove–" he pauses, frozen at seeing a tear flow down the younger man's cheek. "Why are you crying?"

"Eh? Crying?" The main dancer touches his cheek and is surprised to feel them wet. "Something probably went in my eye," he reasons while quickly wiping the lone tear away. "I didn't even notice."

As time continues to tick above them, the growing air around begins to thicken. Being so close to each other suddenly felt very very suffocating. Their lungs screamed for clearer air. And the only way for that to happen is to get away from one another.

In a hurry, Yanjun places the pill on top of study table and rushes outside the room. "I'll leave this here. Don't forget to take it."

Once the door is fully shut, Zhengting's knees collapses underneath him. He falls on the carpeted floor with a thud, gasping while clutching onto his chest. "Th-that idiot." Uncontrollably, he lets out sob. "I remember what happened last night clearly! How can I hate you for what you did when I practically asked you to kiss me? There's nothing dumb about it. What's so dumb about wanting to kiss you and doing it? Don't belittle my feelings...you jerk." 

 

 

 

 

"I got our schedule from the manager," Xukun announces after he had everyone gathered around the living room. "We leave tomorrow morning."

Yanjun and Zhengting are sitting across from one another (no surprise there). "Take this time to pack your things. We will be staying in LA for at least a week. Four days will be dedicated to practicing and to re-recording songs for our fan-concerts. The rest of our stay there will be spent on free time and to filming our reality show. I know we're a newly formed team and some of us may still be awkward with specific members of the group-"

Snickering, Justin wiggles his eyebrows at Zhengting before shooting Yanjun a similar look. The gesture prompted a glare from both men, which the llittle troublemaker waved off with a chuckle.

"So let's take this opportunity to build our team dynamics," their leader finishes.

With a synchronized nod of heads, everyone is off to preparing their luggage for their one week travel out of the county. If Justin thought he would escape that taunting from earlier though, he is dead wrong because here comes NEX7's entrusted leader reaching over to pinch his ears. "Ow! Ow! Zhengting-ge! Let go!" His plea goes unheard as he gets forcefully dragged into their three-person shared room.

Chengcheng is laughing at the side while peacefully packing his own things. "What did you do this time, Justin?"

"I was only teasing him and Yanjun-ge!" the blond complains, attempting to pry the hands off his reddening ears. "I didn't expect him to get this offended! Everyone who isn't blind can clearly see that they don't click well. It was a realistic joke!"

Letting go of the kid's ears out of pity, Zhengting frowns. "It isn't funny, Huang Minghao. For your information, we've both been trying to get to know each other."

The two young lads perk up at the news. "You have?" Chengcheng asks. "I've never seen you two together."

Justin hums while rubbing his poorly abused flesh. "Same. How is that going for the both of you?"

Zhengting feels his throat turn dry due to the sudden interrogation. He really doesn't want to tell them the details; I mean obviously, the intimate occurrences should be kept a secret. "Emphasis on the word: trying. We've talked a few times."

"About what?"

"Normal stuff," he says with a sheepish look before walking to his closet to pick out a few designer-clothing shirts that he could wear at Los Angeles. "Like what you and Chengcheng talk about?"

"You talk about Tinbao and the colour of baby bibs that match him?"

"Shh," Chengcheng sternly interrupts. "That's private."

Throwing the boys a glare at the pellucid mockery, Zhengting huffs, "I meant the classics. Can I help you with breakfast, and why are you up so early, stuff."

They make a face at him. "That's boring. No wonder you two don't match."

Slamming the door to his closet in annoyance, Zhengting marches over to Justin with his arms crossed. "Oh yeah?" Zhengting says. "Then what do you talk about with Yanjun-ge?"

Justin smirks and without missing a beat, answers. "Girls. Best dating spots. Past romantic experiences. Games. His latest composed songs. Lyrics he has written. You know the unconventional and more emotionally connected type of conversations."

Feeling a vein pop in his forehead, Zhengting argues, "How is talking about girls unconventional?"

"He told me stories about the first girl he has ever dated," Justin says that like it's a matter-of-fact. "We didn't get to that part of our conversation until after two years since our first meeting."

"You were literally a fetus when I met you," the Yuehua leader gawks, staring at him like he has lost his mind. "I wasn't going to taint your innocence with my rowdy teenage life."

"I was thirteen, and I'll have you know that at that age, I knew what se-" "NOPE! Zip it. I don't want to hear you say that word!"

With a blank look, Justin mouths, "Sex, Zhengting-ge. Sex. They taught it to us in class and I'm old enough to say it, please."

Zhengting is absolutely mortified. Rubbing his hands over his face, he yells, "Where have I gone wrong in nurturing you?! Who corrupted my baby?!"

At hearing this exact comment, Chengcheng raises his hands up high in modesty. "Don't think it's me! I don't share my porn with others! Even if they are my friends!"

 

 

 

It takes at least a three hour drive to get to the airport. They ride their usual ten-seated van because a normal one would be too small for nine members and a driver to use (for reference: [here](https://www.airportlimosdetroit.com/images/transportation/10-passenger/10-passenger-4b.jpg)). There are four seating rows. Usually, Yanjun would be sitting at the very back, having to hop inside the vehicle earlier than anybody else so he can quietly take a nap without being bothered by the talkative members who sit near the front. Granted—he is always sitting far away from Zhengting (because this one is a definite talker) and again they have no opportunity to interact. It's pretty unbelievable how split and excluded their lives are spent despite standing in the same place and breathing the same air.

The world just seems to hate seeing them together.

So screw it! They won't show the world how far they've gotten in terms of getting to know each other.

Yanjun grins at the thought. Recalling everything that happened for the past few days; him and Zhengting are an odd pair of awkwardness, avoiding each other in public but acting close behind the team's back. It's risqué, but somewhat thrilling. Because in those private moments, Yanjun would like to believe that he can monopolize the person he has secretly fallen for. And he had willingly allowed them the control to do the same to him.

After much conflict with his stubborn thoughts, Zhengting does something out of the ordinary and steps out of his comfort zone. He comes out the dorm earlier than Yanjun and is waiting in front of the van's door.

The Taiwanese soon steps outside and is surprised to see him all ready to go. Normally, the Human Fairy would take his sweet time of making sure he has everything he needs with him before joining the others to the vehicle, so this is a definite shock. "After you," Zhengting says with a gesturing hand to the seats situated further to the back.

He complies but not without shooting the younger man a confused look. Zhengting only smiles before following him inside. A warm body plops beside him and instantly, there's a warning bell ringing in his head. "Y-you're sitting here?" he stammers, and goddammit why did he stammer!

Zhengting nods his head, while innocently looking straight at him. "I can't?"

Yanjun gulps at the tempting sight that is Zhu Zhengting. "N-No you can."

_Stop stuttering, you idiot!_

"Okay!" Zhengting smiles widely and leans his body against the Taiwanese so their arms are firmly touching. "Good!"

The rest of the members start piling in, occupying the available seats one by one. It was Zhangjing who asked the obvious question after he sat in the second front row behind the driver and notices something amiss. "Where's Zhengting?"

"I'm right here!" Someone calls out from the back seat of the van.

With a wondering look, he shouts back. "What are you doing there?! You usually sit beside me so we can gossip!"

"Not today! I'm tired! Let's gossip later!"

Justin groans. "Can you guys like message each other on your phones instead of shouting above our heads? My ears will bleed!"

Zhengting only smirks at the comment. "Want me to pinch those ears of yours again~ Hm~ Justin?"

As if all the blood had been drained in his face, he turns blanched and quickly covers his precious ears out of fear. "Yell all you want! Ha ha! I love hearing your voice Zheng-ge! Ha ha! W-who wouldn't..?"

The Human Fairy hums in satisfaction.

 

 

 

They are one hour into driving when Yanjun feels a sudden weight fall on his shoulders. He stiffens once he realizes it's Zhengting who has fallen asleep on him. Their faces are so close to one another that he feels his cheeks heat up. He doesn't know how to react. Whether he could even move as to not wake up the man. He behaved like a mannequin, afraid of waking the sleeping prince. There are eye-bags underneath Zhengting's eyes yet somehow, the sight of them only makes him look adorable.

 _Everything about him is cute_.

He bites the inside corner of his cheek because he knows he's being too sappy. But it's a thought he can't ignore.

_I want him near me._

At the same time, one hour into driving and Zhengting is feigning sleepiness. For the record, he honestly was beginning to feel tired. He has listened to almost twenty songs in his playlist and is bored to death. Secondly, the man siting beside him is too gorgeous and those shoulders of theirs look strong and inviting. So with an exaggerated yawn to his hand, he plops his head on Yanjun's shoulder out of desire and out of greed.

Yanjun looks at him, but he had immediately shut his eyes to not meet their gaze. _Let me stay here_ , Zhengting prays. _With you._

Nervously, they're both trying to calm their beating hearts and steadying their breaths as to appear calm and collected. They make no fuss as to alert the members of their quite intimate position. Shortly, they fall into a comfortable silence, consciously assessing if the other would make the decision to move away, but neither do.

Eventually, Yanjun is closing his eyes and is gently placing his head on top of Zhengting’s crown. Selfishly, he chose to relish the moment, and to be with the one he likes. Zhengting wouldn't have wanted it any other way as he grins in secret.

They sleep pressed up against each other's body and away from their members' eyes in peace. Xiao Gui who sat in the same row as them luckily had his earphones on and was also quietly pursuing his rest.

Zhengting thinks it isn't so bad to arrive early in the van if it means being close to Yanjun like this. And possibly, he would love to do it again some time in the future. Because adjusting his time for the person he likes—isn't that what one would do when they're in love with someone?

Wait—

In love?

Is he in love with Lin Yanjun?!

In the back of his head, his brain is responding to him by calling him out for his dumbness.

**You can't do math, and now, you can't even do feelings! Of course, you're in love with Lin Yanjun.**


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up first—Yanjun releases a suppressed yawn before gently shaking Zhengting's shoulders with his free hand. "Baobao," he quietly whispers, cautious of the other members' presence, praying not to be heard. "We're almost at the airport."

The younger man stirs from his sleep, unwilling to lift his head from the Taiwanese's shoulder (due to the lingering fatigue in his body) until he rubs his eyes to get a clearer vision of his surroundings. "Hm?" Looking around the vehicle, he notices a few people still sleeping, while others were on their phones and chattering in low voices. Zhengting finally registers the words 'almost at the airport' before he is immediately moving his head off the sturdy joint and shooting Yanjun a shy smile. "Thanks for lending me your shoulder."

Yanjun smiles back because for some weird reason everything that Zhengting does is both captivating and contagious to him. It was an automatic response constructed from his natural embarrassing self and subdued hammering feelings.

A small stinging pain is scratching at his right shoulder. It's numbed after being used as a replacement cushion. But frankly, he doesn't actually mind the outcome. He would gladly offer himself as a head rest all over again if the same situation arises in the future.

In fact, he'd do it a thousand times over for one Zhu Zhengting. He's THAT attached. Stupid feelings.

 

 

 

To use the word 'disappointment' would be an understatement.

Zhengting felt crushed, torn, and discarded as some kind of trash. It was silly. Fucking SILLY of him to think that after being indulged in his selfishness for a few days, spoiled like the royal prince he imagines he were—he could monopolize the Taiwanese anytime he wants.

-

His voice was soft, but, he made sure the words were heard by one man alone. "Do you want to sit with me?"

It was a plain suggestion he wouldn't offer to anyone who isn't Huang Minghao. It wasn't new to anyone that Justin and Zhengting sat beside each other on the plane all the time. They would even be seen napping with intertwined hands, refusing to let go (with exceptions of eating the stale airplane food given to them) until the plane has come to a land. He has always been a worrywart when it comes to the youngest member of their group. He couldn't help it because beside his family members, Justin is someone who he has spent a lot of his time with. The boy is his best friend and real brother in spirituality.

The Taiwanese stared at him in confusion, unsure of how to respond. Well, that is until a call came over their heads, interrupting their (one-sided) conversation. "Yah! Lin Yanjun, over here!" Zhangjing yelled, pointing at a vacant seat between him and Linong. "Hurry up!"

Yanjun couldn't reply, too struck at the invitation. Instead, he looked away from Zhengting with an unreadable expression on his face. He walked pass the younger man's seating row and proceeded to head over to where Zhangjing was waving at him.

Disappointed? No. Zhengting felt something worse.

-

Zhengting ignores his sunken heart and takes the window seat per usual. He waits for Justin to join him, accompanied by Chengcheng who takes the aisle seat because Yuehua boys have a habit of sticking together like a compact of sweet bubble gum delight. 

In his insecure point of view, Lin Yanjun and You Zhangjing are like two peas in a pod that simply cannot be separated. It’s a given since they both come from the same company and made it to the final line up through hard work and support from their fans, friends and family. They have to look out for each other and make their agency proud by creating a positive and raving buzz that would surely bring in an excellent reputation to Banana Entertainment's name. He can sympathize in that aspect as a Yuehua Leader. Hence they are a pair always seen together; as much as a pair that looks  _good_  (which Zhengting hates to admit) together.

Zhengting doesn’t have the guts to come in-between them. He’s always more than an inch away—never being too close and never crossing the border to go for what his heart desires. Yet, at this moment, an entirely different emotion is being harbored by his heart. An impulse to make an irrational but needed move.

Realizing that he is in fact in love with the other man made it easier to disregard any possible consequences his actions may entail. Why wouldn't he make something out of his feelings? Why wouldn't he want to make Yanjun his? If he loves them, he should fight for them. At least once, anyway.

As he sees it, extinguishing their spark is dumber than knowing what the fire will burn; either him, the both of them or the lies everyone's been spewing about how mismatched they look.

_I don't want to have regrets in loving you._

_I have to try and do something._

He notices someone grabbing his hand, warming up his skin as fingers interlock with his. He turns to see Justin looking at him with a concerned look in their eyes. "Zheng-ge, you okay?" 

Squeezing back at their clasped hands, he musters up a small smile. "Just a little tired."

_I'll make you fall in love with me, Lin Yanjun._

 

 

 

There are two cars waiting for Nine Percent outside alternative of the usual 10-seated van. The members rush to the vehicle, eager to check-in with their hotel and get a pleasant rest, though not after waving and smiling at the fans who greeted them warmly at the airport. As soon as Zhengting sees Xiao Gui, Ziyi, Zhangjing and Linong who were walking at the front hop inside one of the two vehicles, he grabs Yanjun (who's foot was already on the door step) by the arm and pulls him to the other car. Xukun, Chengcheng and Justin eyes his action in puzzlement before reluctantly joining them to the second parked Nissan.

The Taiwanese feels lost and out of place. He was dragged to sit by the window at the back with Zhengting sitting beside him, followed by Xukun. The ride starts with four confused men, and one Zhengting who is simply grinning in contentment. 

Playfully tugging at Yanjun's sleeve, Zhengting leans close to the man's face while whispering, "Baobao, can I share earphones with you?"

The older man is instantly dumbfounded at the request. Zhengting was being clingy—but a GOOD type of CLINGY. He felt hopeful and joy that he even inwardly celebrated at the turn of events where the subject of his affection is evidently paying attention to him.

However, the feeling of suddenness is also there and it worries him greatly that this must be some kind of weird dream he's trapped in. It's all very overwhelming, thus, he can't help it but to respond late and fidget awkwardly towards the fondly gestures. He was stuck in the middle of telling himself to get used to the attention, so he may kindly reciprocate them, aware that he's keeping Zhengting waiting when a voice speaks over.

"What are you doing?" Xukun asks while plucking an earphone out from his ears. He is staring at Zhengting who had his body completely turned away from him, and was wondering what the main dancer wanted with the Taiwanese.

Zhengting shoots him an innocent smile. "I want to hear the song Yanjun-ge is listening to."

Xukun mouths an "Ohh" before ruffling Zhengting's bangs affectionately. "Don't bother him, Zhengzheng. Ge looks tired from the plane ride." Instead, the leader fiddles with his earphones before offering the right pair to the main dancer. "You can listen to mine."

With a pout, the Human Fairy stares at Yanjun for a good five seconds, who stares back in wonder before sighing in defeat.

 _You know, he’s not gonna fall for you like this if you act all creepy towards him,_ Zhengting thinks sourly.

He leans back to give the Taiwanese some space, choosing to agree with the '98 liner's words and calm his raging hormones down.

Unknowingly, Yanjun is just as upset that Zhengting’s body was no longer near his. 

Zhengting nudges Xukun into letting the man stick their shoulder out for him to have a short nap on. "Wake me up once we get there," he mumbles. Plugging the earphone into his ears, Zhengting perks up at the playing music. "Oh, this is the song from that movie we watched!"

"'Falling Slowly'...It was a good movie."

Zhengting laughs in happiness. "It was!"

Yanjun thinks he's stupid for letting the lovey dovey scene happen right in front of him. In his mind, he is imagining the many things he could do to separate the two men apart. Notably, he winces at all of them because of how violent they were in nature. And well, he isn't that kind of person.

Determinedly, he finds one civil solution. He shrugs off his blazer, lying them on his right lap, shared with Zhengting's left lap.

Underneath the soft material, Yanjun's hand searches for Zhengting's left hand, encircling their wrist and sensually tracing them down to have their palms clasp against his in hiding. Zhengting stiffens at the touch but gradually relaxes with a dark crimson red blush painted across his cheeks.

He sleeps on Xukun's shoulders in embarrassment. Drowning the music out from his ears, all he can focus on is the warm hand holding his concealed by a black blazer. This was the hand that belonged to the man he secretly loves sitting on his other side.

And like some little school girl who has a huge crush on a boy in her P.E class, Zhengting's heart is racing in excitement, and his lips curling up in a giddy smile—he feels that the feeling is widely different to when he had his fingers entwined with Justin's earlier.

The linking of their digits is more intimate and thrilling. If Justin was someone who he would hold in a way a mother would do so to her child so they don't go wandering off in a spaciously filled candy store, Yanjun was someone he'd hold at even the safest place, greedy of being near the other man no matter how far or short the distance between them may be. There's a tingly feeling in his belly as he squeezes Yanjun's palm under the jacket. They are the only two people who knows of what's currently going on. It's risky but also exhilarating in notion.

_I don't ever want let go._

He would really like it if Yanjun shared the same thought as him.  

 

 

 

They arrive at the hotel where they are given five rooms in total. Four of them have double beds, while one is a single-bed room. To make it fair, they decide to play rock, paper, scissors in order to decide who would be able to room solo. 

Xiao Gui wins but frowns because he preferred rooming with someone.

“Do you want to switch with me?” Zhengting offers, which is dumb because he knows he can’t sleep alone. But seeing the crestfallen expression on the younger man’s face pained his heart which led him to the decision.

Plopping on the bouncy mattress after unpacking a few of his things from his luggage, Zhengting decides that he isn't sleepy and would rather take a walk around the hotel to have something better to do. He leaves the room wearing his comfy slippers while carrying a shoulder bag with his wallet inside (if ever he wants to buy a thing or two), and skips over to Justin's shared room with Chengcheng. Knocking on the wooden frame, he waits for Chengcheng to open the door before asking them if they wanted to join him on his stroll.

The door to Yanjun and Zhangjing's shared room opens as he sees Zhengting standing by the doorway of the two Yuehua boys' room.

"Too tired," Justin whines; rejecting the idea of leaving the hotel. 

"Me too," Chengcheng yawns. "Sorry, Zheng-ge."

With a dejectedly look, Zhengting frowns as he closes the door behind him. But then he freezes at seeing Yanjun awkwardly stand in front of him in the hallway (wearing a cap and a hoodie).

"I can join you," Yanjun mumbles as he slips his hands inside his jean pockets. "If you want."

The words made Zhengting's heart flutter. He responds with a bashful nod, feeling moved that someone was willing to accompany him.

Yanjun's heart, too, is fluttering in harmonization.

The two don't know it yet.

But eventually, sooner or later—they would.

 

 

 

There are a lot of physical activities Lin Yanjun isn't willing to endure. He practically spends his whole day locked up inside a dance studio, practicing late until his legs can no longer balance themselves upright or until his sweat is dripping down to his chin creating small puddles of water on the floor that would lead him to slipping over his steps.

So during his rare given day-offs, instead of watching movies with his friends in a grand theater and walking inside a Gucci store to purchase a belt or two, he opts to watching movies online, in bed, on his laptop and choosing online-shopping as his way to go to buy the things he wants and needs. He would rather laze out underneath his midnight-blue bed sheets, play music from his Bluetooth speaker and read pass a few pages of whatever book his hands can grab before he is snoozing out reality—dreaming of another world that's completely controlled by him.

However, just this once, he doesn't want to stay in bed to restrain himself from the outside fresh air. In fact, he wants to embrace the nature of LA and possibly, while secretly, watch over the man he likes.

It might as well be worth his time.

Or better yet, one of the best times of his life with the man he's so damn hard crushing on.

This time, he'd do _it_.

And Yanjun can only pray that the response he gets isn't the words he's been fearing for so long to hear: 'thank you.' Anything but that.


	7. Chapter 7

In this exact moment, Lin Yanjun is trying his best (albeit failing pathetically) to stay composed.

He had it all figured out. He did, he really did.

Once Zhengting told him that he could join the man on his stroll, a series of rainbow pictures rushed inside his head, imagining the good things that would occur in the next few minutes they are alone together.

Hear him out, okay? It had been brilliant.

There are two handsome young men, walking side by side, only a few inches apart as they admire a foreign and beautiful city together when suddenly (may not all be accidental because of Yanjun's initial motives but whatever right), the back of Yanjun's hand  _smoothly_  brushes up against Zhengting's hand—evoking warm chills to travel all the way up their arms, tickle pass their elbows and their shoulder joints before snuggling up into their chests in a light tingly feeling. He would catch a blush across the main dancer's cheeks; take it as the perfect sign to interlock their fingers prior to blurting out the most anticipated confession in the whole entire universe.  ** _I fancy you._**

Queue in the colorful shower of fireworks exploding in the background as Zhengting accepts his confession and finally, Jesus Christ finally; Yanjun gets to date the man he's been yearning for so long. All accusations pertaining to how unsuitable they are for one another are then debunked as everyone gets to realize that it was their real feelings building up the awkward tension.  

See? It sounds brilliant. An absolutely brilliant plan that would have been flawless if only—

Sighs for the thousandth time—

 **If only** It went accordingly.

 

 

 

Oblivious to Yanjun's dilemma and romantic scheme, Zhengting is walking beside him with hands inside the pockets of their sweater. 

 _*_ **Reality truly is a mortal's enemy.** _*_

How is Lin Yanjun supposed to romantically brush their hands against one another, so they can realize they are both madly in love with their supposedly awkward partner, if there is no opportunity given for it to happen?

_On the day I gather up my courage to make a move, the correct timing chooses to betray me._

He grunts. "Are you feeling...cold?"

The other lad stops, then stares at him, confused. "Yanjun-ge, it's summer. The LA sun is still up. No, I'm not cold. Are you?"

Mentally face palming himself, Yanjun silently tells himself to not falter from the conversation. He was going to finish what he started. "I see that you have your hands inside your pockets," he attempts to rationalize. "Generally, you wouldn't have them there unless you're feeling a little chilly."

"Generally?" Zhengting raises a brow. "It's a style, Yanjun-ge. People can have their hands inside their pockets for style or just because they want them there."

"Your hands will get all sweaty if you keep them inside," he reasons. "Isn't it uncomfortable?"

"Not really, and I don't mind."

"So have them out," Yanjun urges.

Staring at him like he's grown an extra head, Zhengting is in disbelief (though more-so confused). _I just said-_

Then he sees it. Yanjun's quivering dark orbs prompts upon an epiphany from him. The Taiwanese looks away, not wanting to be read via his facial expressions, but it was already too late as the Human Fairy shoots him a very pretty smirk.

"Let me get this straight," Zhengting clarifies. "You want me to take my hands outside my pockets because you don't want me to have sweaty hands?" To humor him, the younger man slips his hands out in clear view, waving his fingers in the air. "Okay, then where do you want me to put them after? Just here—outside? Against my pants? Or at some place else you want them to be specifically?"

He is being provoked. There is no other word to describe it. Zhengting caught on his skin ship scheme and is now trying to make him suffer the post-humiliation effect of owning up to his cravings once found. It was careless of him; and so, he takes a minute to think about the playing cards remaining in his hands and contemplates which one deals the lesser damage to his ego.   

Alright, no big deal. He can work his way around this. He isn't Captain Smooth for nothing. 

"As your caring team member, I want you to be comfortable at all times. And if science proves that having your hands inside your pockets results to you having sweaty palms then I suggest keeping them outside to feel the fresh and cool breeze of the day's weather."

There is utter silence before Zhengting is full-blown laughing at him while cradling their stomach.

He is left mortified; aware that he was saying unbelievably stupid things and he just couldn't stop. Someone needs to seriously duct tape his mouth so he doesn't spew out anymore nonsense.

After a minute of calming down, Zhengting says, "Yanjun-ge, give me your hand."

"Why," the Taiwanese mutters ineloquently, still stunned at how awful he can be at wooing the person he likes.

This is a first for him. So give him time to recollect the broken pieces of his pride together before he can return to functioning normally.

"Just give it," Zhengting continues to giggle.

No one has ever made Yanjun look dumb like this. It confuses him to no ends, and at the same time, scares him to think he's fallen deeply in love with Zhengting that it causes him to be anxious around the man all the time. Especially, when he doesn't even know if his feelings are stuck in a one-way or two-way road.

A hot, tender palm engulfs his whole hand. Yanjun's mind completely goes blank, cutting off his worried thoughts. "If you wanted to hold my hand you should've just said so."

It takes awhile for him to comprehend what had been said to him before the truth is involuntary coming out. "I thought you'd mind." He's trapped in a dreamlike state of watching Zhengting's lips curve up. His eyes couldn't focus on anything else. "I thought you'd pull away."

"Why would I? I've been wanting to hold your hand for quite some time now, too. You're the braver one for wanting to take initiative."

"So it was-"  _mutual? Our feelings._  The Taiwanese doesn't say it aloud, scared that it would ruin the moment.

Instead he squeezes the palm holding his own and feels his heart beating rapidly. A short flashback of the night when they kissed pops up inside his heads, resulting him to blush then look away to hide his flushed cheeks. 

Yanjun thinks it's a shame Zhengting doesn't remember what happened between them. Because like the idiot he is, he is stuck rewinding the memory and recalling the same sentiment alone to depths of his heart.

_This time—at least remember how perfect your hand fits into mine, Baobao._

They don't let go until they spot a Starbucks shop and decide to go inside for a drink. One grande java chip frappuccino, and one grande midnight-mint-mocha frappuccino were their orders.

Zhengting hands over his credit card. "It's my treat."

Yanjun shakes his head, kindly refusing by putting a hand over the other's in a halt. "You don't have to do that."

"Take this as a thank you for accompanying me here outside," Zhengting insists.

The Taiwanese freezes at the phrase thank-you, and uncontrollably, he finds his mood turning foul.

"Fine, whatever."

The latter notices the sudden change and is shocked at the cold reaction he received. As soon as he was about to clarify himself, the person behind the cash register interrupts. "So you're paying for the order, Sir?"

 

 

 

I guess one can say that it's immature on Yanjun's part to get sulky in front of his crush without warning like this. In the back of his head, he has been reciting various of ways to confess, furnishing it over and over again with the idea that it would lead to nothing else but acceptance. Of all men to have feelings for, it had to be for someone who's close to impossible to get.

They take a seat near the very back of the room that is away from the window, and away from the public's eyes. The tension from earlier has yet to vanish. He hasn't looked at Zhengting in the eye, not out of anger but out of embarrassment. He awkwardly swirled his drink with a straw, and took a few sips in silence. What should he do to make the mood better?

Zhengting clears his throat. "Yan-"

"I want to hold your hand again," Yanjun interrupts. "Can I?"

He lets his surprise be replaced with delight. "Of course," Zhengting complies with twinkling eyes. "But don't start abusing your power now," he teases. "And we should set up a daily count limit in case you decide to ask me that every single day. I don't want to spoil you too much."

They intertwine their hands underneath the table, not because they don't want to be caught doing these things publicly, but rather, it was more romantic that way.

 _This is all temporary,_ Yanjun bitterly ponders. _Before you reject me, I just want to spend a bit more time with you. Keeping you to myself like this in private. I'm sorry, Baobao. But I'll gladly take advantage of this moment._

* * *

"Oh! Can we go inside that store!?" Zhengting chirps up. "They have some really cute stuff on display that I want to check out!"

The Yuehua leader skips ahead as their shopaholic self takes over their mind and body, whilst Yanjun with a small grin, trails behind willingly.

There are five pairs of shoes in the rack that don't look particularly appealing to Yanjun. But oddly enough, he spends ten minutes examining them with disinterest as he patiently waits for Zhengting to get what it is they want to buy.

"Yanjun-ge, how does this look?"

He turns around, and is instantly caught of guard. If it weren't for his lightning speed reflexes, he would've stumbled back over his feet and fallen on the floor chaotically. "It's pretty," he says with a poker face he tries so hard to maintain.

Pouting at the lack of reaction, the Human Fairy articulates. "I meant me. How do I look with it?"

God, help him. What is he supposed to say? What can a hormonal guy like him utter as soon as they see the subject of their affection wearing a  **choker**  right in front of them?

Yes. Zhengting is wearing a choker that hugged his neck tightly.

A pink laced choker with a fluffy flower on the side.

"Too much?" the Human Fairy asks while fidgeting with the accessory around his neck.

_Stop looking so tempting, Baobao!_

Unable to come to terms with his head, Yanjun goes with the next thought that pops up in his mind. Unfortunately, it also happens to be the stupidest sentence he could have ever replied with. "You look sexy."

Eyes widening at the answer, Zhengting is reduced to a stuttering mess. "S-Sexy? That's really random---but in what way does this make me look sexy? Is it because of the flower? The lace? Is it the color pink?"

"It's the wearer." Yanjun mentally slaps himself at his choice of words. STOP BEING TOO HONEST FOR GODSAKE! "You're sexy."  _Shit_. "A good sexy." _Someone kill him, please._ "D-don't you always call yourself that? Like when you're on stage?"  _Alright, nice save!_

"And you agree with me?" Bashfully, Zhengting stares at his feet. "That I am a _good_ sexy?"

"Well, I'm not blind."

Zhengting settles with that, still flushed, before nodding his head in great satisfaction. "I'm going to buy this."

"I, uhh- support your decision." Another dumb comment made by Lin Yanjun. Give him a round of applause, everyone. Please. Don't be shy. He's on a roll today, pathetically.

The younger lad simply laughs only to then pause as he spots Yanjun's hands empty and carrying nothing. "You're not getting anything from the store? Don't you like any of the shoes you were looking at?"

_Oh, so he was paying attention to me._

"Nah, the choker is good."

Zhengting arches a brow at that. "The choker is mine."

"Y-yes, yours. I know it's yours."  _Though it benefits me, too, as the onlooker._  "You look good in it. Very sexy."

The adjective rolled out of his tongue so casually that he wanted to punch himself in the face. He was afraid that the other man would notice how much their current appearance is affecting him. What he hated the most was the boner slowly forming underneath his pants the longer he stares at the provoking neck accessory. Honestly, he's losing his patience here, so he finally decides to shift away and heads for the door. "I'll wait for you outside."

Being near Zhengting right now would only make him say stupid things and admit stupid feelings that shouldn't yet be said. Chiefly, not in a peculiar store consisting of ugly shoes and kinky chokers; the place was far from looking romantic enough to embrace his confession. Well, he did at least discover something very important about himself, which is pretty embarrassing even for someone like him to admit.

Clicking his tongue, he leans against the adjacent wall from the glass door with a look of defeat.

**Zhengting_on_a_choker_is_my_weakness.**

Well-noted.

* * *

There's no other word to describe this situation other than it being "endearing."

It was a simple and gentlemanly gesture that is making Zhengting's heart flutter. _I wanted to make him fall in love with me, not the other way around,_  he pouts.

"Are you sure you don't want me to carry one of those?" warily, he asks.

Yanjun tightens his grips around the eleven shopping bags in his hands. "Don't worry I got them."

"But ten of those are stuff I bought! C'mon Ge, hand them over! My arms aren't going to break if I carry at least one!" Zhengting's plea goes unheard. The latter's resolve is too strong. It was unbelievable.

"Lin Yanjun~~~" he whines.

The Taiwanese almost tripped at the high-pitched sound. But he held himself firmly and kept on walking. Not succumbing to the adorable noises behind him. "No."

They were going back to the hotel, which he actually didn't want to do. Their manager texted the both of them to return and eat dinner; in the beginning, he was ultimately ready to ignore the message and ditch, but Zhengting wasn't a rebel like him and had responded with, "We should hurry back. Everyone's waiting for us." And so to his displease, they end their afternoon 'date' to snap back to reality.

Once he dropped the bags on the floor, stretched his numbed fingers and aching back, he twirls only to see the Human Fairy frowning at him.

However, before the other man could say anything, he reaches a hand over to ruffle their soft hair. "Didn't I hear you saying over breakfast the other day that you wanted someone to pamper you? I'm applying to be that someone."

A smile appears across Zhengting's lips. "I think you've proven yourself enough to be qualified for the job," he plays along. "You're hired as my...uhm, what do you call someone who is willing to pamper you and take care to all your needs? My caretaker? Uhh, never mind, caretaker sounds too weird if I call you that. My _—_ "  _ **Sugar daddy**_. They both think at the same time, coughing to cover up their embarrassment, and turning a bright shade of red before turning away from one another to never say the term aloud.

"M-my Baobao!" Zhengting yells nervously. "Let's just stick with t-that."

* * *

Lin Yanjun is so thoroughly pleased he doesn't even mind the fact that Zhengting is sitting at a different table away from him. The group had no choice but to get more than one table due to their large number of people needing to eat.

"Where have you been?" Zhangjing asks the second he sat down on the vacant seat beside his fellow same-agent singer. "You left your luggage open in the middle of our room. Clean it up later, Lazy."

He shrugs then reaches over to lay a napkin over his lap. "Sightseeing."

Chuckling, the older man twists on his side to shoot him a funny look. "With Zhengting? Again." The emphasis on the last word goads at him. "You're both looking awfully close."

His body stiffens. Scratching his nape, he says, "We bumped into each other at Starbucks by coincidence. We're not, as you put it, 'awfully close'."

"Then what is it that you have with him?" Zhangjing unrelently speaks.

"Anything, but awkward."

"Oh, so you know him well now. More than I do?"

He tries to hide the wince.

'I'll surpass you soon,' Yanjun whispers quietly to himself, careful not to be heard.

Zhangjing leans over in amusement.

It wasn't the proximity that made him feel uncomfortable per say, but it was the evident teasing in their tone that made him greatly anxious. His hands shot up to hold the man by their shoulders before lightly pushing the figure back to their seat. "It's good that you're getting along with the other Nine Percent members."

He has to do a double-take. "Was that an insult just now?"

Laughing, Zhangjing covers his mouth. "I'm not making fun of you, Stupid! I've been praying for you to expand your social circle since forever! It was sad seeing you cooped up in your room then go out with only Chaoze, Dinghao or me during break like some loner."

The Taiwanese rolls his eyes. "My social circle is **fine**. I had girlfriends, and a few boyfriends here and there. Also, if that didn't sound like you were insulting me then I don't want for the moment to come on when you do purposely take a jab at my ego."

"It's normal to get close with someone who you'll be working with for the next eighteen months," Zhangjing exclaims. "Zhengting and I happen to be close."

"You're both chatterboxes," he snorts. "That's not surprising. I told you I am close with everyone in Nine Percent."

"Except Zhengting." Yanjun glares.

" **I'm getting there!"** He finally blows up.

That earns him weird stares from observers and a wide smirk from Zhangjing. He doesn't think the reaction was anything appropriate. After all, he just exposed himself to his best friend, which means more interrogations once they are back in their shared room. _Sneaky little shit._

* * *

After dinner, Yanjun sees Zhengting and Xukun talking to each other in hushed voices from right across the hallway. They spot him wearing unreadable expressions on their faces. The Human Fairy grabs the leader's hand before dragging the both of them inside Zhengting's single-bed room. His heart ached at the sight and worry fully took over. _What the heck was that about?_

"So you and Yanjun-ge," Xukun says while wiggling his eyebrows.

Zhengting looks at him, confused. "What about me and Yanjun-ge?"

"I'm not dumb 'Ting. I saw him carrying your shopping bags."

"And?"

"I saw the way you looked at him."

He mentally groans. _Fuck, was he obvious? Did Yanjun already realize his feelings for him?_ "We're not romantically involved if that's what you wanted to know."

"But you want to be?" Xukun probes.

Silence welcomes in. He should've known those words would come out from the other man's mouth. Besides Justin and Chengcheng, Cai Xukun is the next person who knows him best.

"So what are you waiting for?"

"I don't know!" he whines, deliberately shedding off his facade. "I'm too much of a chicken to actually confess."

Humming, the younger man suggests, "I could try to pry some information out of him for you."

He shakes his head. "Leave it to us. We've been making progress." Zhengting shyly admits.

"I can tell," Xukun amusingly says before reaching over to poke him on the cheek. "You're blushing. That means something good must have happened earlier when you were both away. But okay, I won't interfere. I'll root for you from afar."

"Thanks, Kunkun! I love you-err not in THAT way but you know what I mean!"

"Yes, I know. That special love is reserved for someone else. I get it."

* * *

"Stop making such a stupid face," Zhangjing comments once he exists the bathroom to see his friend sitting on his bed with a frown. "You'll get wrinkles."

Yanjun scoffs. "It's my normal face. Shut up."

"You're normal face is usually the bitch face," the man retorts. "The one you're wearing right now is a face of a broken-hearted. Did Zhengting reject you already?"

"He didn't reject me!" he yells. "I never even confessed!"

Then he realizes his mistake, and Zhangjing is looking at him in a teasing way. "So you've thought about it that far~? When are you telling him then?"

He starts arranging the blankets and fluffing out his pillow. He refuses to take the bait. "Go to sleep. I'm turning the lights off."

Zhangjing arches a brow. "Damn. Must be some hardcore one-sided love. Sucks for you."

"Stop talking and sleep," Yanjun chides. "I'm not telling you anything."

"Even if I am your best friend?"

"Especially, since you're my best friend. I'll handle it."

Zhangjing chuckles as he tucks himself in bed, too. "Go get your crush, Tiger."

"I'm a Virgo."

* * *

In all honesty, Zhengting thinks it's a miracle that the members have yet to officially catch them in their act. Of course, Xukun knows (little does he know Zhangjing does as well), but the times of when he got to hold Yanjun's hand secretly under the table (after successfully taking a seat beside the man) during breakfast and lunch, or whenever Yanjun threw soft smiles in his way when no one was looking—all felt new and exciting.

They aren't dating, but he can pretend that they are from the rush of adoring feelings. _Maybe Yanjun-ge has finally fallen in love with me?_

 

 

 

It starts off as a friendly game of getting to know each other as a newly formed group. The members gather in Xaoi Gui and Justin's room. Some brought in chips particularly Zhangjing and Linong (who never forgot to pack them in their baggage), while Chengcheng brought in fruit punch via hotel service. Ziyi slips in a bottle of sparkling wine which he bought with the manager a few hours ago. The game they agree on is: One Lie, and Two Truths. How to play the game? Simple. You lay out three things about yourself where one is a lie and two are truths. The members have to guess which one is a lie.

Justin goes first:

  1. I owned a pet hamster when I was a kid,
  2. I hate watermelon,
  3. and I have a mole on my butt.



"One!" Zhengting almost immediately yells, interrupting anyone who planned to take a shot at this round. "I've seen that mole on your butt! You hate the seeds on the watermelon! And it was a Siamese cat your family owned, not a hamster!"

The young boy groans. "There's no point to playing this game if Zhengtin-ge is the one answering for me." Everyone laughs.

Linong goes next:

  1. I love singing more than rap,
  2. I once had a snaggletooth,
  3. and I ate up all the strawberries in my birthday party before I threw up.



"Two!!"/"Three!" shouts Justin, Xiao Gui and Chengcheng, the eager bunch.

"Watch it be One," Zhangjing teases.

The answer was three not because he didn't throw up during the party, he did, but in the color of purple after devouring all the grapes.

It's Zhengting's turn:

  1. I learned traditional dance when I was young,
  2. I've stayed over Justin's place for a week,
  3. and I hate mustard.



"I know this one," Justin interjects. "But unlike you I won't spoil the fun!"

"Same! I'm not a party pooper and this is too easy!" Chengcheng joins.

The Taiwanese tries to take a shot at it. "Uh, three? You don't hate mustard."

With a disappointed look, Zhengting says, "Nope."

"I know," Xukun speaks up. "Two. I remember you saying once that you stayed over Justin's place for two weeks during holidays."

"Yes! His parents were going away for a trip and they asked me to babysit him."

Justin rolls his eyes at this.

Eventually, the turn comes to Yanjun:

  1. My favorite color is blue,
  2. I had two dates for prom,
  3. and I didn't drink alcohol until I was of legal age to do so.



"Three!/Two!" everyone shouts simultaneously, except for Zhangjing who is chuckling by the side.

"There's no way Yanjun-ge didn't drink when he was underage!" Xiao Gui shouts. Zhengting can be seen nodding in agreement.

"Two dates to prom? Even for him that's a bit unfair," Justin offers.

"Don't let his bad boy image fool you," the oldest member states. "Number Three is true, and so is number Two believe it or not. This guy had two dates to prom because they both asked him at the same time and he couldn't choose only one. Number One is false, though it's pretty simple. He prefers the color green."

Zhengting bites his lips, upset he hadn't known the information beforehand.

A gray cloud looms over his head. Fear envelops him inevitably as he could only listen and watch as Yanjun and Zhangjing reminisces their past, recalling things he never knew about. 

*** So this is the distance between you and I. ***

* * *

Yanjun had wanted to hold his hand. They intentionally fell back into their steps, choosing to walk beside Zhengting as the group went on ahead to grab some breakfast. However, the second their skin made contact, Zhengting harshly pulled away.

They both stop walking and waits until the other figures have squished inside the elevator. "Aren't you two getting on?" Chengcheng questioned.

Xukun immediately senses the tension as he presses the button which initially closes the door. "I think they want to get on the next one."

"B-But," the young one protests only to be silenced by the sliding steel frame.

 

-

 

“Do you find me uncomfortable?" Yanjun speaks in an acutely concerned tone. "I thought what we had has changed. I could hold your hand. As great friends. We're closer now."

"Closer?" Zhengting scoffs. "I don't even know something basic like your favorite color, yet you're saying we got closer?"

He sucks in his breath as he watches the younger man clench their hands into fists. "I don't understand."

"Everything that has happened between us for the past few days," Zhengting explains, looking at him angrily, "means nothing. Because nothing has changed! I still don't know you enough, and YOU don't know me well enough!  **We're no better than strangers."**

“Is that what this is about!?" It seems something has been triggered inside of him because he's suddenly yelling back. "So what if I know more about the members than I do with you?! Unlike them, we’ve actually had fewer chances to talk! And it's not like you haven't been ignoring me before all of this has happened! If we hadn't gotten locked inside that bathroom, we would probably still be ghosting around each other as if one didn't exist!" 

"What DID that bathroom incident do for us!? We've only talked about nonsense things thus far! Most which are trivial things! I mentioned our talks to Justin once and even he called us boring!"

The words punched quite a pack and it bruised his self-esteem. "If that's what you thought about this all along—that they're  **boring** —then fine, let's end whatever dumb shit it is we have. I should have never tried to get near you."

He turns his heel around and walks off without looking back. 

 

 

 

Zhengting doesn't want to cry. He's not as fragile as everything thinks he seems to be.

He's strong. Beautiful. Independent. Doesn't need no man to keep him sane and balance.

There is no way he feels lonely or sad- or upset- or broken—never broken, far from broken, anything but broken after what had occurred in the last hour.

It's not like he's sulking in his room and opting not to eat out because he was on an emotional roller coaster ride. He just wanted to lay a few extra hours on his bed, curled underneath the blankets and hugging himself to sleep. And if anyone saw tears falling from his cheeks, he'd call them out for being lunatics because these aren't tears. They are droplets of rain coming from straight inside his hotel room. Because of  _uhh_...a leak above the ceiling! Someone really needs to cover the hole up so he isn't being drenched!

What kind of hotel service is this!?

Screw this hotel. Screw this room. Screw this bed. Screw this rain!

And for the hell of it,  _SCREW YOU LIN YANJUN!_


	8. Chapter 8

It's not Xukun who comes knocking on Zhengting's door with breakfast in hand. 

Rather, it's Justin shutting the door behind him with his foot followed by an exasperated sigh. "We were waiting for you to go downstairs," he huffs.

He placed the plate of noodles and salad on the table, then turns to the unmoving lump who have yet to acknowledge his presence. There was no response from the other occupant which unnerved him to no end. He did not go through all the hassle of bringing the lad his food only to be ignored like this.

But the longer he examines the lump, the clearer he discerns that the body hidden underneath the sheets was quivering in silence. An ambient alarm goes off inside his head that made him realize that something was awfully wrong. A frown forms across his lips. Feeling stupefied, he glares at the unusual state of his gege with a maddening look.

"Zheng-ge?" He tries.

The quivering body lightly jerks.

"I brought you breakfast." Walking towards the bed, he reaches out a hand to pull down the covers so he could properly see the man's face.

However, almost immediately, Zhengting grabs his hand refusing to let him pull the sheets away.

Now—for someone like Huang Justin, the more he is told or made not to do something, the more he is tempted to do it in a rebellious state.

Therefore with a tight grip, he tugs on the covers harder, initiating for a tug-of-war to happen.

"Justin, let go!" 

"No! What are you hiding!?" 

"None of your business! Stop it!"

"Not until you let me see you!"

Justin overpowers Zhengting in no time but ends up tripping over his own foot and landing on his bum with a thud. He hisses at the carpet burns he acquired as he gathers up the last bit of his energy and patience to stand back up in determination. *Why are you such a pain in the ass? Literally.* He thinks (not having the guts to say his complaints out loud because he knows how scary Zhengting can be when offended). 

Frankly, when Justin was told to bring food for Zhengting by their leader Xukun, he assumed it was because Zhengting is a lazy ass who wants to be treated as a princess that they requested to be personally served his meal in bed. He had been annoyed, asking the cruel world why he was the one picked for the duty. This was supposed to be a relaxing trip, consisting of him playing games and sight-seeing with Chengcheng and XiaoGui. Yet here he is stuck in the hotel room, taking care of a giant adult so they don't starve themselves to death.

So he absolutely did not expect this turn of events—in which—Zhengting is staring up at him puffy red eyes brimming with tears, and with hair unkempt that made them a hundred times more miserable in appearance. There's a pout on the other person's lips, and although Justin can attest to the fact that Zhengting can always be seen pouting, the one the Human Fairy is currently wearing is different from all those previous ones.

Zhengting sat miserably in the middle of ruffled white sheets, looking very fragile and vulnerable to just about anything. Justin has never seen him in this state. All the younger boy wanted to do was to wrap his arms around his gege and protect him from the source of such horrible despair.

Something inside him broke.

"Who the fuck hurt you?" Justin grits his teeth. "I'll skin them alive." 

* * *

Yanjun isn't speaking to Zhangjing. Actually, he isn't speaking to anyone. Which stresses the worried friend immensely.

"Can you stop—" the oldest member is brushed off as the Taiwanese rudely marches into the bathroom. "Lin Yanjun!" he attempts. "I'm trying to talk you to here! Don't you dare cut me off!"

Amidst the banging on the door, Yanjun is washing off the shouts and noises by turning on the tap of the sink to its maximum level. He drowns himself in his thoughts with the sounds of water rapidly running in the background.

_**-then fine, let's end whatever dumb shit it is we have. I should have never tried to get near you.** _

He had been incredibly stupid. How could he say that to Zhengting? Even if he was angry, how can he suggest that they end what it was that they had over a petty fight like not knowing each other's favorite colour. He knew it was a sensitive topic with them. They both got along with every member of Nine Percent, except with each other. Their bond was like a new born baby. It needed to be carefully nurtured and paid with utmost attention in order for it to develop into something greater and impregnable. But of course, he understood it wouldn't reach that degree of intimacy over just a few weeks of being together.

Zhengting had been unreasonable.

Yanjun couldn't hold his temper.

He wish he did though. So he isn't constantly thinking about how Zhu Zhengting was probably 'his _-one-that-got-away_.'

* * *

"You were crying over Meteor Garden?" the younger boy arches a brow, not convinced the slightest.

Zhengting stiffly laughs as he stabs a fork into his salad. "Yeah. Dylan's acting was so good. I got emotional."

After Justin had forced him out of bed. He went to munch on the breakfast delivered to him while making up a dumb story about why he was crying underneath the covers.

The mood doesn't clear up. In fact, it remains tensed and desolated. It almost makes Zhengting want to tear up again knowing he needs something else to comfort him.

Once Justin speaks up again, he's taken aback. "How do you want me to react?" He stares at Justin, confused. "Do you want me to believe your lie or call you out on it?" The lad takes his hand onto their palm in reassurance. "I've known you for years, Zheng-ge. Out of everyone in Nine Percent, I know you best. So tell me what's really bothering you?"

Instantly, Zhengting's barriers fall. The grip on his fork loosens. He wears one of the most heartbreaking expressions Justin has ever seen.

He had to tell the members eventually. Nothing escapes Justin and at this moment, Zhengting needed to get everything off his chest so he can surface from the deep blue ocean trapping him in solitude. The secrets. The lies. The acting. No more of them.

Thus, he confesses. "I fell in love and screwed it up."

* * *

Three days have passed since the argument. There were many things the Taiwanese noticed that have changed. Zhengting was blatantly ignoring him. Xukun looks at him with pity. While, Justin glares at him every time he walks by. He figures it was because Zhengting told them what had been going on. He can't say he isn't disappointed. Yanjun always felt like the things between them were theirs alone. Their special moments made him feel superior given that the events excluded everybody else from joining them.

The first time Zhengting marched passed him without even bothering to glance his way, Yanjun had to force himself not to yank the younger man to his side, aware of the other members' presence in the same room. He didn't want to make a scene. Didn't want to make everyone feel uncomfortable.

But after the first time comes a second, and after the second time comes a third, and so on; Zhengting was diligently ignoring him and he doesn't know how long he can take any of it.

By this point, he regrets it. He should've grabbed the man the first time they decided to ignore him and instead kissed him right in front of everyone who were around them. Screw how awkward it could have been for his members to see. He just wants his Baobao back. 

He wets lips in defeat. *Zhengting, I—* he can't complete the sentence out of shame. *I'm an idiot.*

 

 

 

Everyone gathers at a private dance studio in LA for practice. Nine Percent are preparing for their fan-concerts but are short of time in rearranging the positions to fit a nine-member group. As the leader, Xukun comes to a quick decision for the choreographs of 'Dream' and 'Firewalking' to remain the same by having only seven members perform the songs on stage (while the other two sit out on break).

It leads to a sufficient pace in getting everything done and memorized as they all understood their parts accordingly.

"Theo, can you kneel a little closer to Evan?" the dance instructor strictly pointed out. "The angle isn't right. And you can't grab Justin like that." 

The Human Fairy does as he is told, awkwardly moving near the Taiwanese who had his head down while supporting Justin's weight on his back. Of all people to be chosen for this rather intimate position, it just had to be the both of them.

*Act professional,* he says inwardly. He hates causing trouble for other people, and so, with a firm resolution, he gulps down the embarrassment of being in close proximity with the man he had been trying to duly ignore to get his mind together.

Yanjun knows he is blushing the second the top of his head brushed up against Zhengting's chest. It happens again and again as they practice for the song—making sure the angles of their arms and legs are straight and synchronized with each other. After the 12th replay, the Taiwanese intentionally bumps his head against Zhengting's chest (with added force) that deliberarely causes the lad to become uncharacteristically flustered.

"S-Sorry!" the Human Fairy apologizes first.

He hides his grin. "No, it's my bad."

Glad the younger man finally uttered a word to him since their argument.

* * *

They don't make up.

The earlier scene doesn't even make a scratch of difference to their present situation. Yanjun is still avoiding talking to anyone, while Zhengting goes about his days acting as if he didn't exist. God, can his Baobao be so stubborn.

And like the massive fool he is, Yanjun allows Zhengting to gradually move away from him.

Because he understands that he can't force someone to love him. Can't promise that he won't hurt them in the future. All he has are twisted relationships and short-term flings under his belt which he used to humor his previously arrogant-self; he doesn't do commitment. Never even indulged on the thought. Especially not with someone as popular as Zhengting. He has seen the man reject countless of guys who confessed to them.

Yanjun refuses to end up the same way as those brokenhearted souls.

He, too, will move on someday.

This is one  _dumb_ phase. He'll get over Zhengting. Watch him.

 

\--

 

It’s not that Xukun spends his day being glued to Zhengting every minute and every hour. The leader can actually be seen with either Justin, Ziyi or Linong more as they chat and hang out in groups—but the time where he is with their main dancer seems to be the only thing Yanjun takes notice of. A bony shoulder bumps into him and he turns around to see Justin stalk off without bothering to mutter a 'sorry' for crashing into him.

"What was that about?" Zhangjing asks, unimpressed at having to witness Justin's rude behaviour.

Yanjun doesn't say anything and tries to pay no mind to it. The oldest member of Nine Percent only shoots him a dirty look, miffed by the continuous silent treatment. "Still not talking to me? Or anybody?"

Before he can walk away, Zhangjing harshly pulls him by the elbow that stops him dead in his tracks. "This isn't like you."

Shaking the hand off, Yanjun scoffs, "You don't know everything about me."

Pissed, the Malaysian man hauls him by the collar, looking absolutely furious. "Cut. the. fucking. bullshit. Lin. Yanjun. You aren't fooling me with your bad boy facade."  

Flabbergasted at the words that ripped through his tired heart, Yanjun feels his legs go weak but Zhangjing supported him before they could crumble. "Let's talk in our room." He nods obediently.

* * *

"You and Zhengting broke up before you two even started dating?"

The Taiwanese groans into his pillow, refusing to meet his best friend's prying eyes. "Yes, and it's partially your fault."

"My fault?!"

"You know too much about me. He doesn't."

"He got jealous?"

"I guess."

"Then you said 'screw it, never talk to me again'."

"Not in those exact words. But something like that."

"Wow. You're really stupid."

He throws his other pillow directly towards Zhangjing (who was calmly sitting on his bed) without warning. "Shut up. I already know that."

The blue marshmallow cushion hits them square in the face which had the man fuming. "Hit me again, and I swear to God, I won't help you get 'Ting back."

"You can't do anything. It's over. I'm ready to let go."

The air turns cold as it becomes quickly engulfed in serious tension.

After a few minutes of not hearing the other person in the room speak, Yanjun lifts his head up to see Zhangjing dangerously glaring at him.

"You can't do anything? It's over?" Zhangjing's voice begins to rise in tone. " **You're a coward**." Wounded at the sudden insult, the Taiwanese was about to say something in defense when the Malaysian man promptly motioned  for him to zip his mouth. "Just listen to me for a minute, Yanjun."

Gulping down his pride, he complies with an agitated look.

“You're letting him go for what? To protect your heart? Stupid. Look at yourself. Doesn't it crush you every time you see Zhengting with someone else? You’re not protecting your heart. You're just afraid to crash and burn at an instant because you don't know if he will accept your feelings or not. So you're choosing the way in which you break your heart slowly.”

 

Standing up from the bed, the usually small-looking figure Zhangjing, towers over him phlegmatically **.**

“How do you even know he doesn’t feel the same way when you've yet to ask?”

“I’ve tried plenty of times—“ he reasons.

“Then backed away and never made it clear!" Zhangjing interrupts. "Try harder! If you truly love him like the way I feel you do, get your ass up from this bed, go to him and suck his dick as apology. Nothing will change if you don't make an attempt to do something about it." 

If it were any moment, Yanjun would've laughed at the joke comment but, he is emotionally in pain that he lets it slide. His head falls into his arms. Shutting his eyes, he registers every blunt words that pierced through him.

His voice shakes. "I-I love him. I do. So much. It's the first time I've ever felt this way. And it fucking scares me. I'm scared he'd reject me."

Zhangjing lays a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "As much as I'm happy that you finally admitted your real feelings. You need to tell 'Ting that. Not me. Yanjun, tell him you love him." 

With much reluctance, he lets out a short breath to calm his trembling heart. "I should."

* * *

"Aren't you being too harsh towards him, Justin?" Xukun frowns after watching the boy purposely bump into the Taiwanese.

Justin shrugs. "I'm Zheng-ge's best friend. This is me doing some damage control."

"It's not our place to get in-between them." The '98 liner shakes his head. "They need to solve this by themselves."

As if he were a kicked puppy, Justin crosses his arms unbendingly. "Ge was really hurt. I've never seen him look like that."

"Do you think Yanjun-ge looks any different?" Xukun retorts while motioning his head to the Taiwanese who was currently being bothered by their oldest member Zhangjing. "He either only nods or shake his head whenever I talk to him. He has completely isolated himself from the group."

Justin doesn't want to admit it but, he recognizes that as the truth. Anyone else would be mad if someone younger than them maltreated them with a distasteful attitude, yet Yanjun had not said a word of complaint. It was like the latter was treating this as a just punishment. _How masochistic~_

"I'll lay off."

 

\--

 

They meet at the pool by chance. Or so, Zhengting thinks.

The scene is a whole suction of tranquility. Through the window, one can see the beautiful night sky with very little, but still wonderful twinkling stars. The water dips as a body enters the pool. Zhengting turns to see a half-naked Yanjun in his trunks. “I didn’t know someone would be here this late,” he whispers.

Zhangjing made a plan to have a dip in the indoor pool with Zhengting around 10PM where there were likely not many people inside to-get-together. Yet the Malaysian man made no appearance. Eventually realizing that this was a ploy to have the Human Fairy in the same room as the Taiwanese, he rushes to make an escape.

“Wait,” Yanjun stops him. A wet hand wraps around his tiny wrist.

“Let go of me," he mutters weakly under his breath because that's all his voice could muster.

Yanjun moves closer unrelentingly, then in a matter of seconds, is kissing the hell out of him.

Zhengting is frozen until a tongue swipes against his lips and he is opening them to give the older man access to his mouth. His hands quiver as they automatically grip onto Yanjun's sturdy shoulders for support. He kisses back willingly, lost in the moment. When Yanjun does pull away, he leans his forehead against Zhengting's while looking at the other in earnestness.

"I love you," he says, "In the I-want-to-know-everything-about-you way. In the most passionate and sincere possible way. And in the I-want-a-forever-with-you kind of way."

_Like a bubble that pops._

_Catching feelings._

_Had been easy with you_.

It's not a thank you that follows. It never would have been a thank you that he'd get as a response to his confession.

Rather, it was and has always been: "I love you, too." Zhengting admits. "I've never been in love. I did want to know how it feels to be in love. But I didn't want just anyone. If I'm going to fall in love with someone, I'm glad it's with you."

He can't believe what he's hearing. If someone told him he was dreaming, he'd punch them so hard they'd have a black-eye for a whole week because they woke him up from this amazing dream. “I don't know if this is the right time to say this but we kissed before." Yanjun looks down in shame. "I'm sorry for taking advantage of you when you were drunk.”

Zhengting laughs out loud while rubbing his hands against the older man's arms. “Wasn't I on your lap when we kissed the first time?"

"You remember?!" With his eye sockets about to pop out, Yanjun feels tricked.

"It might come back to me if we do it again,” he smirks.

Grabbing his thighs with a firm grip, Yanjun hauls his body up before wrapping his bare legs around their muscled hips. The water splashed around at the sudden motion. There were goosebumps already forming throughout their arms as they continue to endure the chilly air of the pool, though neither seem to care.

"Ask me again," Yanjun urges.

"Ask what?" the Human Fairy tilts his head.

"What I think about you?"

After recalling of his innocently-sounding words from the past, Zhengting could only chuckle.

"Lin Yanjun," he says while adjusting his arms around the latter's neck. "What do you think of me?"

It's hardly a kiss this time—more like a brushing of delicate lips against one another—but it has Zhengting blushing like mad which pleases Yanjun to no end. "Absolutely beautiful." 

_**There are still a lot of things I don't know about you,** _

_**and there are still a lot of things you don't know about me.** _

_**But even so, I want to be with you.** _

_**We'll know everything that is to know about each other along the way.** _

_**I'll treasure our moments.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end ?
> 
> [VOTE PLS](https://twitter.com/Zhu_myBub/status/1062722673116090368?s=20)


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